“Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife [or husband].” (bracketed part added) Prov. 21:9

Picture this— You’re walking past your neighbor’s house when you see him/her on the corner of their roof, with a bed and battery-operated lamp up there.  You ask, “What are you doing up there?”

He/she answers–  “I figured it was better to stay up here, exposed to all kinds of weather, than stay in the house where my spouse just wants to argue all the time!” 

You shake your head and feel sorry for both the person living on the roof and his/her spouse inside.  Then, you assume the person outside is more adversely affected than the one inside.

But the reality is, the health of both of them is suffering from the quarrels. 

Their relational health is out the window (literally and figuratively).

Emotionally, this has caused a lot of stress, sadness, and a degree of anguish—as each wonders “why can’t they change?!”, and/or “What did I do wrong?!”  The argumentative one inside realizes something failed, maybe even them.  Both are frustrated.

Physically, this leads to stomach-aches, headaches, nerve and muscle tenseness, etc.

Spiritually—it’s really hard to feel close to the Lord and hear from Him when we’ve just had a horrible argument with someone.

Ok—this scenario of someone actually living on their roof is imaginary.  But people quarreling, arguing, perhaps even physically fighting is real.  Along with the reality of at least one, if not both, withdrawing afterwards.

So, what’s wrong with quarreling?  Why shouldn’t we “have a ‘good argument’ now and then?”

First—let me qualify the word “quarrel” and distinguish it from healthy disagreement or debate:  The latter recognizes ground rules of good communication—such as mutual respect, not personal attacks, being reasonable, not letting anger take over, etc.

Quarreling, on the other hand, involves a disrespectful attitude toward the other(s), letting emotions and anger rule, “win at all costs”, personal attacks, “hitting below the belt”, etc.

Besides the health problems mentioned above, quarreling results in:

  • Being considered a fool and ruining one’s reputation (giving up your chance for honor)

  “It is to one’s honor to avoid strife, but every fool is quick to quarrel.”  Prov. 20:3

  • Actually doing foolish things—which ruins one’s reputation even more.

    “A quick-tempered person does foolish things…” Prov. 14:17

  • Outbursts of uncontrolled anger, which just compounds, until the other person/people either respond in kind or look down on the “venter”.

              “Fools give full vent to their rage,
               but the wise bring calm in the end. Prov. 29:11

  • Doing or saying something we’ll regret afterwards—often suffering consequences.  People get fined, banned from sports, kicked out of organizations, fired from jobs, etc., because of this.

    “An angry person stirs up conflict,
    and a hot-tempered person commits many sins.” Prov. 29:22

So how do we stop quarreling before it starts? Or, at least stop when we notice it has started?

  • Patience and a “cool head”.  Patience doesn’t come naturally for some of us.  But all of us can become patient when we gain understanding of the person/people and situation.  It’s how we maintain unity and reasonable discussions.

        “A hot-tempered person stirs up conflict, but the one who is patient calms a quarrel.”  Prov. 15:18

  • Deciding the issue isn’t worth arguing about, especially when we know it’s just going to lead to quarreling. 

        “Don’t have anything to do with foolish and stupid arguments, because you know they produce quarrels…”  2 Tim. 2:23-24

  • Humility— Not thinking we’re better, smarter, and/or more important than others. Pride makes us feel compelled to prove ourselves right.

     “Where there is strife, there is pride, but wisdom is found in those who take advice.”  Prov. 13:10

  • Not provoking others to anger—  Being sensitive to what upsets them. If we don’t “press their buttons”, they won’t “squawk”!

        “For as churning cream produces butter, and as twisting the nose            produces blood, so stirring up anger produces strife.” Prov. 30:33

–>So—keep your calm; keep your relationships; keep your health— it sure beats quarreling!