“What are you doing?”, my husband asked.

“Getting used to the water—it’s a bit nippy.”, I replied, referring to the swimming pool.

I didn’t plunge in all at once right away because it was somewhat outside my comfort zone, which is why I was doing what I was doing. I had discovered a way to get that cold water inside my comfort zone, at least enough to swim in it:

Step one—Go down one step, both feet, and feel cold water envelop them to the point of definitely wanting to step out.

Step two—Choose to stay in until I got used to it and could stand there comfortably—no more signals from my nervous system to my brain screaming “Too cold! Exit now!”

Step three— Step back up and out. “Wait, I thought you were trying to get in, not out!”, many of you may be asking as you read this. Read on.

Step four— Step back in—down that one step again—notice how it doesn’t feel cold like it did the first time. In fact, it’s quite comfortable.

Step five—Don’t stay there. Go another step down with both feet. Now notice how the water feels cold around the lower calves. But the feet don’t feel so bad because they’re already used to it.

Step six—Use that awareness to overcome the strong signal of “too cold to stay in!” and remain until the lower calves grow accustomed to the water.

Step seven—Go back up both steps and out of the pool again. Nope, not done yet.

Step eight—With the memory of how I got comfortable in the water up to my lower calves, descend into it again. This time much faster, going to the third step down. Now the sense of discomfort, as in “cold!” resides in the upper calves, up to the knees.

Step nine—Employ both awareness and short-term memory to easily stay in and enjoy the feeling of conquering the cold and getting comfortable up to the knees.

Step ten—Yes, go back up and out.

Step eleven—Repeat the procedure for as many steps needed to get all the way down into the pool.

Step twelve—Don’t just stand there—start swimming like crazy so as to warm up and get comfortable in that very cold water.

Congratulations—you’ve just expanded your comfort zone to include colder water than you thought possible to be comfortably immersed in before!

After swimming—apply this method to all of life to accept other challenges that lie outside our comfort zones.

Really. It works.

For example:

1. You’ve been asked to give a presentation at work. Not only have you never done any public speaking before, you have to do it in a foreign language. (This has actually happened to many people I’ve coached who’ve moved to the U.S. from other countries). That “water” is so “cold” you can see the “icicles” in there in your mind’s eye!

Now apply the above method of expanding your comfort zone to include public speaking, even in a foreign language. You can begin with practicing a one-minute talk in front of the mirror in your own language. Take a break. Do it again, feeling more comfortable the second time. Now do it with a loving family member or close (affirming) friend. …then a small group of friends… then a 5-minute talk in front of them… then in that foreign language… and so on, until you feel comfortable “swimming” in the deep water of your upcoming 20-minute presentation in that foreign language for an audience that includes senior leaders at your company.

2. You are about to become a new parent. Not only is this your first child, you’ve never had to take care of an infant before because you’re the youngest of the youngest in your family. (My own experience here). Thankfully you have about eight months to prepare.

Same method. Begin with holding a friend or relative’s good-natured baby for a minute. Then step “down” to holding him/her for 5 minutes. Then do the same for a fussier baby. Then with a newborn, where you have to cradle his/her head just right to keep it from flopping over. Each time, take a break, come back, and feel how comfortable it really is. Continue with volunteering at a nursery for an hour… for a few hours… babysitting on your own for an evening… for a day… before you know it, you’ll anticipate your own baby’s birth with joy!

3. Social situations make you anxious. Not only are you shy, you were teased and rejected as a child, and you’d rather not join any groups or events that require too much emotional energy, let alone further rejection.

“Cold-water-entry” method to the rescue. Begin with saying “hi” to someone you know likes you the next time you see them. Proceed to greeting a friendly-looking person in a familiar environment (work, school, church, etc.). On to accepting an invitation for dinner from your mom (or anyone you feel safe and close with). If no such person exists, take courageous steps to get to know the safest person you’ve met… to a small group dinner and evening together of four or less people… next steps as you feel ready… to an actual social event/party. Remember, you don’t have to converse with everyone there.

You get the idea. Anything that instills fear, discomfort, and anxiety in your heart, work on expanding your comfort zone, step by step to include them. Some tips:

1. Don’t try to leap up/forward. The shock to your system will feel like you dove, headfirst, into an icy lake. It will create a sense of failure and a bad experience you want to avoid even approaching again. For example, don’t try to run ten miles the first time you decide to exercise. Take it as far as you can stand it and keep doing that in increasing amounts. Step by step. (Ps. 37:23-24)

2. Don’t make someone else’s comfort zone the standard for what yours should be. Each of us are created differently, with different gifts, strengths, and weaknesses, all of which we can maximize or improve on. We are not each other’s standards or anyone else’s. Our goal is to expand our comfort zones in any areas necessary to do whatever we’re called to, be it hospitality, writing, or anything else. (Jn. 21:21-22)

3. Don’t give up– Even if your steps are smaller and slower than someone else’s, persevere until you gain the victory of something new within your comfort zone. (Phil. 3: 12-14)

4. Do celebrate your wins— The first time I held a baby without feeling nervous, him/her crying, and me enjoying it, I quietly declared “Hallelujah!” (If I’d shouted, the baby would’ve cried). Thank the Lord for His enabling and give Him the glory. (1 Cor. 15:10)

5. Do consider the purpose and benefits in order to motivate yourself to put forth the effort. Whether it’s better physical health, more social confidence, fulfilling your calling, a promotion, helping others in meaningful ways, better relationships, whatever—the “why” helps us decide the “what” is worth doing. (1 Cor. 9:24-25)

6. Do stretch—that’s how anything gets expanded. It’s also why the best goals are “stretch” goals—neither easy nor impossible, but the right amount of stretch to challenge us, build skill and confidence, and through that expand our comfort zones. (Is. 54:2)

7. Do support and encourage others and gather others to support you. We all need to spur and cheer each other on to do what we never thought possible before and actually enjoy it. (Heb. 10:24-25) I couldn’t have entered that pool without my husband cheering me on, and others need you to cheer them to victory.

Where will you expand your comfort zone today?