Everyone needs friendships, whether they realize it or not. The number of songs written on this subject attest to the universal longing for real friends.   We just wish we could “do” this whole friendship thing better! 

Whether we enjoy many, various kinds of, friends, or prefer a few, deeper, friendships, we can count on some key ways to make them work well and have staying power, no matter what:

First—unless it involves an undeniable moral principle, never let an issue get in the way of a relationship.  Any time there’s division over a non-moral issue, we know the source is Satan.  In fact, the term “devil” comes from the Latin “diabolus”, the root of which means “divider”. 

When people put issues above relationships, any number of things can divide and destroy those relationships.  But when the relationship takes top priority, issues get worked out, and relationships get strengthened.

Many Scriptures confirm this (probably because everyone needs so many reminders!).  For example:

“…be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace” Eph. 3:2-3

Second—Be quick to forgive. Why? First of all, the Bible tells us to—in Mat. 18:21-35, the Lord’s Prayer, and other places—especially in light of the fact that none of us are perfect, we’ve all hurt God with our sin, and yet He, the perfect One, is willing to forgive us!

–>Plus, the longer we hold something against someone, the longer that relationship is broken.

Even as a child, one friend would tell me, “I’m mad at so and so!”, and I’d say, “Why do you want to be mad at them?  If you’re mad at them you can’t be friends anymore! Is it worth losing your friend?” 

Eph. 4:32 says it well:  “ Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”

Third—that simple yet wise principle holds true—to make a friend, we need to BE a friend! 

Follow the advice of Phil. 2:3-4:

     Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.”

No one wants to be around a selfish, self-centered, person for very long.  Everyone wants to be around people who sincerely care about them for who they are, not just what they can get from them.

Become that kind of God-centered, other-centered, person, and our relationships will flourish.  Easier said than done, I know, given our selfish human nature. But if we plug our “want to” into the Holy Spirit power-source, it will happen!

Fourth— Make TIME for relationships.  Set the tasks aside, as much as possible. And decide that “possible” has a lot broader definition than you may think!  For example, the dishes can soak while you sit with a friend in your house—they’re not going anywhere, but your friend will!  Friendships are too valuable to be left unattended.

     “A sweet friendship refreshes the soul.” Prov. 27:9

Fifth— Be FLEXIBLE—give each other space and grace.  Sometimes appointments get changed.  Sometimes you or they can’t do something for each other as soon as promised. Stuff happens. But, as one friend put it, “Blessed are the flexible, for they shall not be bent out of shape!”  This goes back to the first principle on unity.

There’s more ways than this, but start with these.  Add some of your own.  You and your current and potential friends will be glad you did! 🙂