Wouldn’t it be great if we could say “yes” to everything and everyone? Yes, to joining every event. Yes, to living near everyone we love and like. Yes, to eating every kind of food and still yes to good health(!) Yes, and only yes. After all, having a “yes” face is a lot more pleasant than looking like the guy with the “No!” sign in front on his desk! But sadly, we can’t avoid saying “no”, because every “yes” is a “no” to something or somebody else.

We just don’t want to admit it, because we want to be everywhere, do everything, and be with everyone—at the same time! We want it all. The problem is, we can’t have, be, or do it all.

• We can only attend one event at a time.
• We can only listen to one person at a time.
• We can only concentrate on one thing at a time (even when we’re multitasking).
• We can only be in one place at a time.

In other words, time, energy, resources, and attention spent one way means it isn’t/wasn’t spent another way.

Have you ever had to choose between a key organizational meeting and your child’s concert or sports game? Or been in a group where two people are talking and trying to get your attention at the same time? Or trying to write a report while participating in an online meeting (admit it!)? Or had to tell someone “I’ll be there in spirit” because your body couldn’t clone itself to be in two different locations?

I have, and I hate it! Recently, after a series of boring, uneventful, Saturdays, I had to choose between being at two special events that had been planned for the same day at exactly the same timeframe (2pm-5pm). One was our church picnic. The other was a national cultural festival of my adopted homeland where I met the Lord. Both groups matter a lot to me. Both involved key relationships. Both only happen once a year. Both involved good food and fun. Unfortunately, I couldn’t go to even part of one and part of the other because of the distance between them and my husband needed to be the whole time at the picnic, since he’s the pastor!

The key concept here is choice. That’s easy when one alternative is obviously more or less interesting, necessary, useful, desirable, or beneficial than the other. But what if both represent something and/or someone really important to and even loved by us? Then how do we choose? As believers, we want to do the Lord’s will, but how do we discern that?

First, by recognizing we really do have to choose. “Yes” to one is “no” to the other.

Second, ask which would be worse to say “no” to this time. That depends on a lot of factors—long-term implications, personal values, who’s making the request on either side, etc. It also depends on how many times we’ve already said “no” to that, and what effect another “no” would have.

Third, ask ourselves whether there will be another opportunity for either one, or is this “now or never”. Can we take the next opportunity if there is one?

Fourth, if “never”, ask ourselves how much it matters to lose this opportunity.

Finally, and most importantly, which has the greater eternal value, the greater “EROI”—eternal return on investment? Given all of the above, I chose to go to the church picnic, and enjoyed it. Then I had to decide that even though I was missing something else great, it would only be worse to regret it or wish I could’ve been there. The yes/no had been said. “Just say a simple ‘Yes, I will’, or “No, I won’t…” (Mat. 5:37).

Trust the Lord, and He’ll show us the right “yes” vs. “no”. “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.” Prov. 3:5-6

Part of trusting Him includes knowing that if we put Him first, He’ll take care of everything else that matters.

“Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.” (Mat. 6:33). Including the “yes”s we really needed to say!

Sure, we disappoint ourselves and others when we say “no”, and most of us don’t like that. But we’ll spare ourselves a lot of stress by admitting we can’t avoid it. Thankfully the opposite is also true—our “no”s are “yes”s elsewhere—hopefully to whatever is better and more eternally valuable. For example, the “no” we say to that networking event can be “yes” to joining our kids on a fun outing.

Who or what do you need to say “yes” to today by saying “no” to something else? Say “yes” to what really matters by saying “no” to something that matters less.