How do you respond when you interact with difficult people? Our default response may be to become defensive or to attack the other person. It’s natural for us to view the other person as the enemy, but the Apostle Paul gives us a different perspective:

The Lord’s bond-servant must not be quarrelsome, but be kind to all, able to teach, patient when wronged, (2 Timothy 2:24)

Who is the Lord’s servant? Paul is describing you, he’s describing me. The term bond-servant literally means a slave. A slave has one right, the right to obey one’s master. We are not to return attacks or become defensive, but we are to respond with grace:

A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. (Proverbs 15:1)

Paul says that we are to be kind to all – that little word all is comprehensive, that includes the person who is attacking to you. We must be able to teach. This implies the ability to impart truth and perspective to others. Finally, we are to demonstrate patience when we are attacked. We must do our part to heal the relationship, but we must also realize that God is the one to open their hearts to repentance:

with gentleness correcting those who are in opposition, if perhaps God may grant them repentance leading to the knowledge of the truth, (2 Timothy 2:25)

Our approach must be one of gentleness with others. This does not mean that we are a spiritual doormat. The word correcting is the word used for training a child and providing instruction and teaching responsible living to others. We are to facilitate the process of change in others, but ultimately it is up to God if they come to repentance. We must realize that we’re in a spiritual battle and the people who are attacking us are in the devil’s clutches:

and they may come to their senses and escape from the snare of the devil, having been held captive by him to do his will. (2 Timothy 2:26)

The term come to their senses is literally to become sober again as it describes one who comes out of a drunken stupor. When I understand the spiritual dynamic, then I see that the real enemy is not the person who is causing me grief, but it’s the devil who is holding this person captive. When I realize this fact, my anger shifts from the person to the devil.

Is there someone causing you harm? Remember that hurt people will hurt other people. This person is not your enemy, the devil is our foe:

For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places. (Ephesians 6:12)

Our overall purpose is not to win arguments, but to see God change lives.

Associate Pastor – Discipleship.  The Church at LifePark

Professor of Discipleship, Columbia International University

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