IF WE WANT PEOPLE TO GET CLOSE TO US, WE HAVE TO BE APPROACHABLE!

Does this house look welcoming? What do you think it says about the people who live there?

We often walk past here, and for 3 years, we’d see this property, with these signs, and even another inviting people to a “free ride in a police car if you trespass”!

Needless to say, we guessed these were NOT friendly folks who lived there!

But, one day, we found out we were wrong! For the first time, we saw two people– a lady and her teenage daughter– on the property. The lady waved, smiled, came up to us, and started up a friendly conversation. The teenager, meanwhile, on her bike, joined us all and petted our happy puppy.

Somewhat shocked, we responded in equally warm tones and enjoyed a great conversation with both of them.

This got me thinking– how APPROACHABLE do we appear to other people (and even animals)?

When children see us, do they feel comfortable coming up to us, or do they shy away?  Granted, their own personality has a lot to do with it, but still, children are a good judge of character. 

So are dogs and cats.  Do dogs wag their tail and get happy to see us, or do they growl or cower (fight or flight response to a threat)?  Dogs really know people’s character!  How about cats?  We’re doing really well if cats come up and rub your legs and exceptionally well if they follow us home!

How about random strangers in stores, supermarkets, events, etc.?  Do they feel free to ask us questions or strike up a conversation?

Three years ago, we attended our son’s college graduation. Several families, including ours, were waiting outside for the officials to open the building.  Different ones of were chatting with whoever seemed friendly enough, when suddenly a lady peeled away from her group, came up to me, and asked “Where did you get your sandals?  They’re beautiful!” 

Women do this, by the way, with other women who look approachable. When the rest of her group saw us talking happily, they all came over, and voila—new friends!

I value approachability– as a coach, it opens the door to clients feeling welcomed, safe, and comfortable. In general, it opens to the door to friendship and connections.  For leaders, it opens the door to influence.

It also makes our lives more enjoyable.  There’s a lot of fun in having strangers (women) come up and ask me which dress I think would look better on them, or advice on food items in the grocery aisle.  Even if we never see each other again, both of us will have had a better time because of meeting that way.

Conversely, if we present a foreboding, “keep away”, demeanor to the world, people will get the message that they’re NOT WELCOME in our lives!

Is that what we want? Isolation? People giving us a “wide berth”? What a lonely life that would be! Maybe you think, “I don’t want all kinds of crazy people coming up to me or my house. I need my privacy—leave me alone and I’ll leave you alone!”

That could work, until you decide you’re tired of being alone and need some company.  Or you need some help.  Or you need someone to care and support you.  But by then, everyone will be conditioned to stay away.  Your manner, your words, your expression, all communicate “Keep OUT!”

How does that translate at home?  Lack of approachability keeps a house from becoming a home.  There’s no feeling of connection or attachment there.

How about at work?  When leaders demonstrate approachability, direct reports and followers feel free to ask their advice and help if they get stuck or aren’t sure how to do something. This kind of partnership produces the best outcomes.

Conversely, followers don’t dare ask anything of stand-offish, intimidating, leaders, for fear of annoying them and/or getting in trouble.  Often this results in work not getting done, or not getting done right, due to lack of guidance and partnership.

How about at church or in society at large?  Approachability translates into connection, support, cooperation, real relationships that lead to more unity, and better mental and physical health from all that.  Non-approachability leads to disconnect, disengagement, looking out only for “number one”, division, and resultant health problems.

Jesus is our ultimate model of approachability.  He told everyone, “Come to me all who are weary and heavily burdened, and I will give you rest.”  (Mat. 11:28)  And all kinds of children always came up to Him, to the point where His not-so-approachable disciples got annoyed with that! (see Mark 10:13-16)

What kind of message are we presenting to others about our approachability? And/or do we selectively change that message according to the type of people we meet?  How approachable, to everyone, are we?  In other words, who feels safe “knocking on the door” of our hearts?