Some people are natural hand-raisers. When they raise their hands to volunteer to help, everyone loves that. But the enthusiasm that drives their volunteering also drives their interest in sharing their opinions, suggestions, and innovative ideas. They want to contribute.

Others can find this annoying. They think, “Oh no, what’s he/she going to say this time?”, or “Put your hand down and let someone else talk for once!”

Both are legitimate concerns, especially for the leader, who has to keep conversations on track and meetings from going too long. Plus, leaders need to draw out the quiet members and keep the “noisy” ones from dominating.

Reading the room and seeing the annoyed expressions on some faces, the leader could easily decide to either ignore the oft-raised hand or even publicly “put” it down. Some do this a bit bluntly –“You’ve already said enough. Give someone else a chance!”, or “We need to hear from others!” Or, a kinder way, “Those who haven’t spoken up yet, do you have anything you want to say?”

I’d like to suggest a better way for you, the leader, to keep group conversation balanced, without directly or indirectly “putting down” that oft-raised hand:

First—Acknowledge in your own mind the good intentions of the eager contributor. Even the egotistical ones who like the sound of their own voice too much think they’ve got something helpful to say. And, as mentioned above, there are plenty whose only motive is to contribute value, the same as they would volunteering to do something.

“Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things…” I Cor. 13:7

Second—Publicly acknowledge their raised hand in a positive way– affirm their desire to contribute, even as you may have to say, “We’ll get to your input in a minute. Let’s hear from… (another person raising their hand).”

If no one else has their hand up, either let them speak, or kindly let everyone know you’d like to hear others’ thoughts. Often, the person who raises their hand a lot does it because no one else does.

Everyone, from the quietest to the most talkative, needs encouragement.

“Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing.” 1 Thes. 5:11

Third—What if they become dominant, obnoxious, critical, or go on and on (what you and others are trying to avoid)? That’s when we as leaders have to step in and kindly cut them short. They’ll hopefully learn from that. At least we gave them a chance.

Why do all this?

  • To not discourage the eager-contributor from contributing
  • What they have to say, ideas, suggestions, etc., may be valuable and something no one else can or wants to offer
  • To not discourage shyer members from raising their hands for fear of getting ignored or put down
  • You may be the one raising your hand elsewhere, hoping someone will call on you and affirm your contribution!

Confession from an eager hand-raiser—me:

Yes, I was the kid in class who always had their hand up. Some kids liked that—it meant they didn’t have to worry about getting called on, especially if they were shy or unprepared. Most of my teachers liked it to.

Speaking as a teacher/professor myself, I’ve always appreciated the enthusiasm of people who want to contribute—whether to volunteer to do something or share what’s on their heart or needed information. Someone to act as a catalyst for discussion so others will have the courage and interest to join in. Especially in a room full of introverts or cultures where no one wants to speak up for fear of being shamed, those brave hand-raisers break the awkward silence and relieve everyone, including the teacher/leader.

But, granted, it can become too much. At least my 9th grade honors English teacher thought so. She sometimes told me “You’ve used up your quota of questions/answers!” Then I’d feel terrible, very ashamed, and stopped raising my hand for many weeks, until I was ready to burst, and timidly raised it again.

I’m sure she had a point, and I’ve since, over time, learned to be more socially appropriate about raising my hand. Still, you can imagine what her “quota” comment did to me and a few other enthusiastic hand-raisers. Not only did it shut us down and squash us, it further scared the shy members away from raising their hands at all!

This resulted in total quiet—either from disengagement (“what’s the use of participating?”), or fear (“I don’t want to get in trouble!”). I don’t think the teacher wanted that. At least she shouldn’t have.

As mentioned above, some hand-raisers really do have big egos and seek to either show off how great they are or dominate everyone. But not all are like that. Some, like me, really just want to help and encourage others. Let’s give each other “the benefit of the doubt” and hear each other out.

“Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God.” Col. 3:16

In order for this to happen, someone has to raise their hand. And others need to acknowledge and affirm that!