This past week a coaching client was sharing with me how she finds it so difficult to affirm herself.  

~She had just achieved a major goal, yet still couldn’t congratulate herself, even when others congratulated her.

~She still didn’t think that she, or her achievement was good enough.  

~Compared to what she wished she could do, it was so little and insignificant.

–Have you ever experienced any of these feelings?  

Maybe because of voices ringing in your head from your parents who kept (or keep) pushing you to greater heights of achievement or perfection?  

Maybe because of parents and/or other authority figures who’ve kept raising the bar– just a bit higher than you could measure up to?  

Maybe because of your OWN standard that you’ve internalized?

I’ve experienced some of that, and know of many others who have as well.

In John 8:32, we read, “You will know the truth and the truth will set you free.” 

Not only is that Scripture, it’s good psychology and valid brain science.

Knowing the truth changes our thinking, which in turn changes our feelings, attitudes, perceptions, and actions.

For example, suppose we interview for a job or apply to get into a university, and we get turned down. That’s a fact.  That is reality. 

Our minds will naturally conclude from this that we are “a reject”, “a failure”, “incapable”, “incompetent”, “not __ enough”, “lacking”, etc.

But that’s just OUR conclusion.  It’s NOT TRUTH.  The truth is that we are very qualified for the job, but the company/organization had so many applicants they really did have to choose the best fit.

–We discover this when another company recruits and hires us for a better job that fits us even better.

Or, in the case of the university, the truth is that maybe we didn’t get in because of a quota. The truth is, we’re very intelligent and capable

—We discover this when we get into another university that’s just as good or better.

Here are some truths to set us free from enslavement to perfectionism and inability to affirm oneself:

First– Our value is based on our Maker, not on our performance and/or other people’s opinions of us. 

–“ I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works.” (Ps. 139:14)

Everyone considers Stradivarius violins, Lamborghini cars, and Gucci fashion valuable.  Why?  Because of the name brand—the maker! 

We have the top, all-knowing, all-powerful, Creator as our Maker—talk about Designer fashion! With Him as the Potter, all of us “clay vessels”, in every shape and size, have infinite value! (Is. 64:8)

Second– If we have EVER succeeded at ANYTHING, by definition that makes us a SUCCESS! 

— Because the word “success” is simply the noun for the verb “to succeed”.  

It may not be a big success in your eyes, the world’s eyes, or even others’ eyes, but it IS a success.

Third—the basis of all true success is faithfulness. When we get congratulated in heaven, we’ll be hearing “Well done, good and faithful servant!” (Mat. 25:21)

–>Try this exercise I gave to my client:  Take a sheet of paper and list every good thing you can think of that you’ve ever done— either recently or further in the past.  It can be as “simple” as “I cooked dinner for my husband, so he didn’t have to go out or starve!” 🙂  Or, as major as “I passed that class… graduated from…got accepted into…”  

Just ask the Lord to bring stuff to mind.  He will.  In fact, so much so, it may take more than one sitting to list it all!

Then, please share at least one of those successes here 🙂