“Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” 1 Thes. 5:16-18

Last Friday we enjoyed a “Friendsgiving” dinner with our “Journey Group” fellowship. 14 of us sat around a Thanksgiving-decorated table, a colorful banner, and cheery helium “Happy Thanksgiving” balloon dancing in the air.

With hearts and stomachs both full, we transitioned into the traditional “let’s go around and share what we’re thankful for” time. As expected, we all shared about positive, easy-to-feel-glad-about things—family, friends, new job, new romantic relationship, etc.

Afterwards, I wondered, “what about the hard stuff no one thinks of being thankful for?” Such as loss of a loved one, job loss, any kind of loss, difficulties, trials, being far from those we feel close to– basically anything that causes sadness, anxiety, grief. Things that don’t feel or appear good, because in and of themselves they’re really not.

And yet we’re told to “give thanks in all circumstances” because it’s God’s will. Since we don’t want to disobey or go against His will, we feel the weight of that obligation. But how are we supposed to fulfill that?

Some of us try the “fake-it-‘til-we-make-it” approach—pretend we’re glad and grateful for this awful circumstance and paste on a smile because “it’s the right thing to do”. Plus, we have to look mature and godly for our friends, and be good models, especially if we’re in leadership.

Similar to the above, others of us use the avoid-acknowledging-it approach—in other words, denial. If we don’t look or think about the loss, the wrong, the problem, it will somehow cease to exist, and we can go on with our lives, pain-free. After all, if only good circumstances exist, it’s much easier to give thanks for them. And besides, doesn’t Phil. 4:8 tell us to only think about good stuff?

Then there’s the negotiate-with-God approach—“Lord, I know I’m supposed to give thanks in all circumstances, but I can’t do that in this case. Could you please give me a pass on this one? I mean, surely You can make exceptions for the really hard stuff, since the Bible says you understand our weakness! You don’t really expect me to be thankful for this, do you?”

Yes, there is some truth in all three of these threads of logic. We don’t want to be governed by our feelings. We don’t want to dwell on the negative. And the Lord is mindful of our weakness and doesn’t ask us to do more than we can bear (Ps. 103:13-14; 1 Cor. 10:13).

But these are only partial truths and actually circumvent our spiritual and character development. If the Lord told us to “give thanks in all circumstances”, that means He’s given us ways to do it. Not easy, and perhaps impossible if left on our own. But doable. Here’s how:

First, realize it’s ok to call hard and bad things hard and bad. Note that 1 Thes. 5:18 says “…in all circumstances…”, not for them! When Paul mentioned he’d “learned the secret of being content whatever the circumstances… in plenty or in want” (Phil. 4:11-12), he wasn’t calling the “want” pleasant. He called “need”, “hunger”, etc., what it was. He was just saying there was a way of getting past that to contentment, including a thankful heart.

Second, ask the Lord to help us see, with Holy-Spirit-led focus, the good that can come out of it. To do this, we first have to face the reality of the hard circumstance. Then hold onto the promise that “He causes all things to work together for good to those who love God and are called according to His purpose.” (Rom. 8:28) We may see that good happen today, tomorrow, sooner, or later, or perhaps not even in our earthly lives. But if nothing else, the next verse shows us the ultimate good we can count on for eternity – “For those whom He foreknew, He also predestined to become conformed to the image of His Son…” (Rom. 8:29).

I’m reminded of a dear older friend who openly confessed, with tears, her grief since her husband passed away. “I don’t like that he died 9 months ago, that some friends are ill, that I’m often sleepless…!” We sat with that for a while. But then, like the sun coming out after a rainstorm, she smiled genuinely and stated, “I’m so thankful!”, and went on to list many things she’s thankful for. One of these is that since her husband passed, she now has more time to do whatever the Lord has for her to do.

Would she have preferred he’d stuck around for longer? Definitely! She was just seeing the Rom. 8:28 aspect of the Lord working all things for good for her.

She truly gave thanks in her current circumstances, even while acknowledging she wasn’t thankful for them all.

As one who naturally tends to either complain or avoid facing hard stuff because I’m afraid of being depressed or overwhelmed by it, I found her attitude very encouraging. She modeled not how to “look happy no matter what”, but how to give thanks no matter what!

As a final motivator to cultivate a thankful heart, even when it’s hard, think of all the benefits we don’t want to miss out on!  Research has proven thank gratefulness produces “happy hormones” that make us feel better emotionally, and it boosts our overall health as well. Then we enjoy the logical outflow of better relationships with others—people would rather be around positive and encouraging mood-boosters than hang around grumblers and complainers who bring them down. We can become those mood-boosters, not only for ourselves, but for those who come around for that.

My husband gave a great illustration in his Sunday sermon about the benefits of thankfulness: Beta-carotene comes from various foods, including sweet potatoes. Once consumed, it turns into Vitamin A and gets stored in our liver, where it fights free radicals that damage our system, and gives us better vision and other health benefits. Developing a grateful heart is like consuming beta-carotene—we receive that nutrient from “consuming” God’s Word, and keep it stored in our hearts where it fights sinful thoughts and actions (Ps. 119:11), gives us better vision (His perspective on life and circumstances), and other spiritual and psychological health benefits.

So, whether or not we eat our sweet potatoes and carrots this Thanksgiving, let’s remember that it is possible to give thanks even when it’s hard! For any non-Americans reading this, may we all be blessed with Thanks-living year-round!