A few weeks ago I did something I’d never done before and never thought I would or could do—I kicked a kid out of class!  Sunday School class no less!

The kid is a 9th grader, in my high-school class.  The kind the middle-school teacher felt relieved to pass along when he entered high school.  Contentious and cantankerous, he looked for trouble and created it himself when he couldn’t find it.

Enter “Marshmallow Mom” – me.  Along with 25 high school students, including this guy.  As in, very large class, in a small room—“packed to the gills”. 

We had gathered for the first class of the new school year.  I had no assistants for crowd control.  My voice matches my personality—SOFT.  Sometimes there was a bit of “buzz”, but I was able to quiet them.

For a while, class continued smoothly, with amazingly good attention for a packed-in-crowd of teenagers… until… the troublemaker provoked the student next to him into an argument.  This happened after he’d been doing a bit of disrespectful talking among his peers, and I’d kept “shhh”-shing him.

That’s when I, “MM”, had to take a stand.  Showdown time (picture a western movie with two gun-fighters facing each other).  I yelled in the loudest voice I could muster—“Stop talking and listen! Next one who talks, other than to ask or answer a question in class, will have to leave the room and stand in the hall!”

Wow—I couldn’t believe I’d said that!  Now I was going to have to back it up! Sure enough—as expected, our contentious “friend” started right up again.

All of us heard him.  All of them waited to see what I would do.  Would it be another empty threat like the ones they’d heard from other teachers, their parents, and authority figures?  Or would I follow through as promised?

I sure didn’t want this kid wandering the halls!  But I did want this large class to take me seriously so we could have the kind of mutual respect needed for them to learn what they needed to.  It was time to put some mineral (iron) in the ‘mallow!

“N.”, I commanded, “Leave the room and stand outside in the hallway where we can see you!”  He didn’t budge.  “N.”, I pointed firmly, “out there!”  “Yeah, N.!”, the other students chimed in.  He got up in a huff, declaring, “Yay!  Freedom!”.  …and disappeared!

Uh oh.  “Someone go get him and bring him back to stand outside the door”, I requested.  “I will!”, said the guy he’d been bugging.  They returned, and after 10 minutes, I let “N” back in to class.  Where he remained quiet.

Class continued—with no other disturbance.

The following week, 25 students returned to Sunday School class.  Class went a lot smoother, with almost no chatter.

Respect earned.  Respect gained.  Students learned.  Spiritual development gained.

Sometimes, even us “softie-types” have to demonstrate just enough “iron rule” to exercise authority.

Why?  Because we want to become control-freaks in order to increase our self-esteem? 

No!  It’s because whoever we’ve been placed in authority over NEEDS our authority—for protection; for growth; for training; for teamwork; for the sake of the group; for accomplishing worthwhile goals.

So, HOW do we put “mineral” (iron) in the “’mallow” (soft heart), without becoming harsh and way out of character? 

  • Recognize our authority as legitimate and God-given— As parents, teachers, bosses, group-leaders—we’ve been placed in that role for a reason. (Rom. 13:1)
  • Recognize our responsibility— As the one in authority, we are the main ones accountable for training and equipping those “under” us so that the “job” gets done the best way. (Heb. 13:17)
  • When someone challenges our authority, refer in our hearts to the two above truths.  Let them strengthen our resolve in standing up to the challenge.
  • When speaking and responding with authority, there is no need to scream harshly, beg, or whine.  We state what needs to happen, what the person(s) need to do, and what the consequences will be if they don’t.
  • Be ready to back up our speech with action.  We probably will have to!  Then act accordingly.

In the end, this will enable us “marshmallow” types to go back to our default-demeanor of softhearted friendliness—minus the contention and pain of people taking advantage of that.

Try it next time. Let iron be forged in your heart, while keeping it soft! Watch it work!