The role of a parent is a great privilege and a great responsibility. The Apostle Paul realized that strong churches are comprised of strong families so he gave this advice to parents as he instructed the churches:

Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. (Ephesians 6:4)

Paul addressed the head of the household, and in that culture, it was typically the father. The term he used for father could apply to either the mother or father. Paul began with a negative command because parents may have a propensity to provoke their children to anger. The parallel passage in Colossians reveals that provoking our children causes them to lose heart:

Fathers, do not antagonize your children, so that they will not become discouraged. (Colossians 3:21)

There are a number of ways that parents may cause their children to become discouraged: exercising harsh control, being overly permissive, practicing inconsistent discipline, not giving clear instructions, modeling a “do as I say, not as I do” attitude, or abdicating their God-given authority to lovingly care for their childrren.

After the negative command, Paul then gave a prescription how to raise children. The words, bring up, convey the idea of bringing them to maturity and providing a nourishing environment. How is this accomplished? We are to discipline and instruct our children in the Lord.

The word discipline focuses on the training and education of children with an emphasis on the cultivation of mind and morals. This involved total life training including the care and training of the body. The word instruction conveys the idea of admonition and seeks to correct that which is wrong.

What are some examples of implementing these practices? Children must learn the importance of respect. They must learn that they do not command center stage and demonstrate respect to their parents and other adults.

Parents must also teach their children responsibility. Chores are an excellent tool to teach accountability and develop responsibility. Finally, children must learn resourcefulness. Parents should not do for their children what they can do for themselves. Theses principles enable children to develop a genuine sense of self-worth and self-respect.

There will be times in your discipline and instruction that your children will want to go their own way. You must be consistent in your follow through. Responsibility may involve consequences, so you must not protect them from the consequences of their decisions. Beware of sympathy toward your children, you must respond dispassionately knowing that you are following God’s standards.

If children were perfect, then they wouldn’t need parents. No one is perfect, therefore when you confront irresponsible behavior, it is your responsibility to correct that behavior. It’s been said that a coach makes you do what you don’t necessarily want to do, so you’ll become what you always wanted to be, and so it is with parents.

Associate Pastor – Discipleship.  The Church at LifePark

Professor of Discipleship, Columbia International University

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