Have you ever felt disrespected?  If you haven’t and would like to, try being a substitute teacher in a middle-school class!

For the rest of us, we dislike it when others:

—Tune us out and don’t listen to our suggestions, stories, insights, etc.

—Talk over us, as though our voice doesn’t exist.

—Cut us off to let us know they don’t want or need to hear any more.

—Non-verbally show disinterest and disapproval (turn away, frown, roll their eyes, walk away, etc.)

—Disagree immediately without considering our ideas.

—Disregard our instructions

—Say “With all due respect…”, but show the opposite in the put-down that follows!

These and other signs of disrespect make us feel inferior, irrelevant, invisible, rejected, and frustrated.  It erodes and destroys our confidence.

Yes, our relationship with our Heavenly Father—King of Kings and Lord of Lords, will override those feelings when we meditate on His loving regard for us. 

But as people, we need relationships with other people, and real relationship entails mutual respect.  This applies to authority as well as friendships. 

Someone may obey authority figures (parents, teachers, government, the boss, etc.) out of obligation.  But they may not respect them. 

So, how can we gain the respect we lack, yearn for, and need, whether from our peers or those under our authority?

  • Sincerely respect them— People are reciprocal beings—we tend to dish back what we’ve been served. Are we showing true respect, or signs of disrespect?
  • Speak and act both gently and firmly—We don’t have to be harsh to be taken seriously.  Neither do we need to be wishy-washy to be gentle.

—A well-known, highly-admired dog-trainer is known as the “Dog Whisperer”.

–-Jesus referred to Himself as “gentle and humble in heart” (Mat. 11:29).  Yet He also strongly made His views known when He cleansed the Temple of money-changers and preached against hypocrisy.

  • Speak and act with confidence—If we don’t believe in what we’re doing and saying, others probably won’t either.  Confidence exudes competence, which others respect.

–This doesn’t mean swagger through life and society, turning people off with our conceit.  It does mean being sure of who we are, what we think, and our speech and actions that come from that.

–This confidence derives from our identity in Christ—Whose we are makes us who we are—royalty as children of the King of Kings (1 Pet. 2:9).  Godly royalty speaks and behaves boldly without the selfishness and demanding nature often seen in earthly royalty.

  • Say what we mean, clearly and concisely— Most people don’t listen carefully or patiently—which means we can’t take too long to get our point across, or confuse them with a lot of tangents. 

–This is not an excuse for rudeness.  We can and should consider others’ feelings and how we come across to them, no matter how definite our message needs to be.

  • Mean what we say—People can “smell” insincerity, like the stench of rotting fish, the second they encounter it.  It’s hard to respect someone we can’t trust.  And we can’t trust someone when we don’t know what they really think and feel.
  • Develop character qualities that warrant respect— We can master all of the above and still be ignored, sidelined, even despised, if we have bad character.  For example, dictators have to use force to stay in power, because they’re no longer respected.

–Yet people can’t help respecting someone who’s kind, loving, patient, wise, full of integrity, authentic—a real “mensch” (Yiddish for “great, likable, person”)—even if they disagree with them sometimes.

—The fruit of the Spirit tastes good to everyone, even if they don’t recognize the “orchard” it came from! (Gal. 5:22-23)

How would you rate the level of respect you receive from others?

How would you rate the level of respect you give to others?

What steps will you take to improve both?