People are often surprised by encouragement.

Why?

1) Low self-esteem—they don’t believe they deserve encouragement.  In their minds/hearts, they’re not good enough.  Or what they did wasn’t good enough.  Or what they plan on trying to do won’t be good enough—so they either—a) give up before they start, or b) make a halfhearted effort, figuring “why waste the effort when I’ll fail anyway?”

Sometimes this low self-esteem is caused by their own perfectionism, and/or the perfectionism of those around them and those they’ve grown up with.  Their best was never good enough.

They were either criticized, chastised, or instructed on how to improve.  If encouragement was ever offered, it came in the form of “Do better next time!”

Sadly, this describes many families and even some entire cultures.  I observed an example of this at an event a few years ago where the majority of attendees came from such a perfectionistic culture.

A young lady had taught a small group of us the steps to a folk-dance to go along with Messianic worship songs.  It brought joy to my heart and enhanced the worship experience.

When I expressed appreciation to the leader and complimented her on her teaching, she replied with an excuse of how the worship leader had changed things up on her so she couldn’t teach and lead the dancing properly.

She didn’t get it that I was encouraging her!  So I tried again!  It took a persistent effort, but she finally understood and received the encouragement.

She didn’t think she deserved it.  So she didn’t expect it. It took a while, but I’m glad she finally got it. Hopefully she won’t be so surprised the next time someone encourages her.

2) We represent a group or kind of person that normally doesn’t encourage them.  They may or may not feel good about themselves, but they don’t expect encouragement from us (whoever we represent)

For example, people of one race may not expect respect and encouragement from those of another particular race.  Or children and teenagers may not expect encouragement from teachers, other authority figures in their lives, or even any adult—either because it doesn’t happen in their culture or doesn’t happen at home from their parents.

I have totally shocked some of the youth in my church by encouraging them on who they are, a job well done, a good answer in my Sunday School class, etc.  Their cultural and mental grid doesn’t have a place for an older middle-aged lady, teacher, and/or pastor’s wife affirming them!  Their minds are saying, “Is this for real?!” 

This happened one Sunday before the Coronavirus pandemic. One student kept telling me what a “loser” he was. But to me he didn’t seem like a loser at all. What I saw was a young man full of discouragement and confusion who acted inappropriately sometimes but really wanted to do right. I could tell by the way he volunteered wise answers and paid attention. I finally convinced him that even though he’s always getting into trouble with his mom, another mom really like him and appreciate his participation!  He responded with a big grin and “Thanks!”. That guy since graduated high school and gone on to college, where others are hopefully encouraging him. He certainly needs it.

Too many people are surprised by encouragement because they rarely or never receive it! Thus, they can’t recognize it or believe it’s valid when it comes. It’s like someone who’s never seen or been given a British Pound Sterling. Along comes a visitor from the UK who tries to give them a hundred of these in coins, but they won’t take it because “it’s too heavy” and/or “I already have enough play money”.

Or perhaps they do know its value, but feel they don’t deserve it, because “I’ve blown it too much.” The British visitor has to convince them, through repeated effort and assurance, and perhaps some proof, that these “coins” are real, valuable, and meant for them.

We are these representatives of the Kingdom of God. Our encouragement has more value than any earthly currency and is certainly more stable. Encouragement has lasting value and eternal return on investment.

That’s why Heb. 10: 24-25 exhorts us:

“And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds,  not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.”

So go out and surprise people with encouragement!  Don’t give up! Keep at it until it finally sinks in—it may take a while, and repeated efforts, but don’t quit “chopping” away at the barrier(s) until they fall!  They will fall, and the encouragement will get through to them!  Then, next time, they won’t be (as) surprised.

Gal. 6:9 encourages us—“Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.”  This includes encouraging people who can’t receive it at first.

The Lord wants to use us to change people’s minds about themselves and the groups/types of people we represent!

What an awesome and significant commission we share as encouragers!