“Come apart” here doesn’t mean “coming apart at the seams”. It means intentionally getting away, by ourselves, to relax, reflect, retool, refuel, rejuvenate, and re-energize.

If horses and machines are allowed time out and shutdowns for maintenance and maximum performance, shouldn’t we allow that for ourselves?

To come apart, we need to choose it. On purpose for a purpose. It won’t happen by accident, and most bosses won’t ask us to. How do we do that?

1. Get off the hamster wheel. Realize that running and doing for the sake of busyness isn’t getting us anywhere but round and round, in a dizzying cycle of doing. It doesn’t give us any more value or worth. Some things we’re responsible for and some things we’re not. Before jumping in and taking over, ask yourself, “Is this mine to do?” Not to become lazy, irresponsible, or push off ownership onto others, but to protect from overdoing it, or doing what others should do. (See Luke 10:38-42)

2. Get out of the fast lane, out of the race, into a pit-stop. Don’t worry about the competition, real or perceived. They may get ahead of us for a while, but eventually, if they don’t stop, they’ll crash and burn, which we don’t want to do!

–Besides, each of us has our own race to run. Let’s pace ourselves accordingly. We win when we arrive at our God-given destiny, whole, mature, with no regrets, a life well-lived and loved—in one piece, not in pieces. (Gal. 6:4)

3. Get to a place where your physical environment promotes peace instead of stress. If you live in a noisy, crowded, area, you may want to move. Granted, some people prefer cities to smaller towns, and their job may require them to live in a metropolitan area. But anyone can find a park to move closer to, or a quieter neighborhood to live in. Some may decide to take a salary cut or less prestigious position in order to move to a smaller town. But what’s money and prestige compared to peace of mind, especially if we’re warding off a heart-attack from too much stress?

–For those who think small towns are too boring, go drive to the nearest city when you feel the need for excitement. And look for the healthy, wholesome, fun nearby in nature, friendships, community events, etc.

4. Get away from toxic influences and surroundings—detox your life from people, workplaces, and groups that poison you mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and ultimately physically. (1 Cor. 15:33)

–Next question—how to avoid them if they’re your family member, coworker, boss, team, friend, etc.? Start by asking yourself if you have to live, work, or associate with them and their toxicity. You may not. “But if I leave, I’ll lose…!” Yes, you will lose the family ties, your job, position, the friendship, etc. But you’ll regain your sanity! Then you can go find a better workplace, group to join, and friendships. For family members, you’ll have to somehow avoid their toxicity without cutting off the relationship if possible.

–Or, maybe you won’t lose these after all—you may find that stepping away from the toxicity becomes a wake-up call for that person or group that causes them to examine their own thoughts and behaviors and detox them.

5. Get margin into your daily rhythm. Put breaks in your schedule—time for meals, relaxation, meditation, getting up and moving around, writing or calling a loved one, going to the bathroom… you get the idea. Make time for at least a couple of longer breaks in case something comes up (which happens often, especially for those in leadership). Establish boundaries and keep them. Get rid of back-to-back meetings in order to get those smaller breaks. (Lk. 5:16)

–When clients I talk to in my coaching practice tell me they’re burning out and feeling drained, I ask them about their schedule. Most of them respond with a list of back-to-back meetings, they don’t have time to eat, people double-book their time slots, and then there’s all the emergency crises that come up. Then I help them realize they can control their calendars! They figure out ways to schedule the breaks they need, which even gets rid of a lot of the crises.

6. Get physical exercise. As the saying goes, “No time for your health today means no health for your time tomorrow.” (See above for how to find time.) Taking walks, playing sports, doing work-out routines, weight-training, going to the gym, joining an exercise class, running/jogging, mountain climbing, swimming—whatever you like and are able to do, in the words of the well-known “guru” Nike, “Just Do It!” And if you can exercise with at least one other person, all the better for companionship and friendship building.

7. Get away. Similar to the pit-stop, pull off the exit ramp from the race. But instead of just resting, go have fun. Take a real vacation to a special place. Unplug from work, assignments, and social media. Create memories for yourself and those you go with, all together—the kind of memories you can smile and talk about later. The kind that will carry you through and energize you when it’s time to go back to work. Build relationships. When you reach the end of your life, you won’t wish you’d gone into work another day.

8. Get into relationship-mode—take time to enjoy life with friends and loved ones. Build the mutually encouraging relationships that nourish and sustain all of us. Write, text, call those too far to meet in person, and be glad when they reciprocate. No one at the end of their life has ever said they wish they’d spent more time working and achieving accolades, but many have said they wish they’d spent more time with family and friends.

What are some goals and benefits of coming apart? When done well:

• We avoid falling apart. Physical illnesses, nervous breakdowns, burnout, etc., are all our mind and body’s ways of telling us we pushed ourselves too hard. Better to stay healthy and whole than lose even more time to physical and mental shutdowns.
• It gives us space and time to get our lives in order. Eliminating chaos from our lives allows us to organize them, course correct, and sort things out.
• It brings us to a place in our head where we can think about what we’re thinking about. As we examine our thoughts, we can kick out whatever’s harmful and untrue.
• It brings us to a place in our heart where we can deal with how we feel. If we don’t like it, we can change our feelings by changing our mind.

After we’ve dumped the “toxic waste” from our lives, minds, hearts, and bodies, we need to fill ourselves up with whatever thoughts, feelings, and focus will produce optimal attitudes and action for everyone’s benefit, including our own. We do this by intentionally being refilled and led by the Holy Spirit, instead of by something/someone else (Eph. 5:18)

Why come apart, dump out the junk, and fill ourselves with the best thoughts, attitudes, and feelings? So that we can get back in the game in ways that will win—by His grace and for His glory!