Those who makes no room for others will always walk alone.

I noticed this in the physical realm the other day when I saw a couple walking their dog. The wife tried to walk next to the husband on the side of the street. Though the street wasn’t a busy one, cars still came along, so she asked her husband to move over a little to the right, to make room for her to walk safely beside him. He answered, “But this is where I always walk.” Since there wasn’t enough room on his right to get between him and the tree-lined curb, she gave up, leaving him to walk alone.

When we don’t let someone into our space or expand our space enough for them to fit, they leave us alone. We still have our space, but no company in it.

This happens figuratively as well as physically. Such as:

• In our thought life—Someone sees someone else deep in thought. Sincerely caring about them and wanting to express interest they ask, “What are you thinking about?” “Nothing,” the person replies. Perhaps that’s true, but since most people aren’t empty-headed, it more likely means “I don’t want to share my thought-space with you”. Either due to lack of trust or lack of valuing the inquirer’s interest or friendship, the person doesn’t make room in their though-life, so they think alone.
• In our work—Someone offers to help someone else with a project, task, or plan. The other person responds, “No thanks, I don’t need help.” Maybe they really don’t. Or they don’t want to admit they need help, due to shame, pride, fear of someone else stealing the credit, etc. Or, perhaps they don’t trust or respect the person offering help, so they feel better off without it. When someone says, “No thanks” to help, they mean “I’d rather do it by myself”. They don’t want to make room for anyone else in their work. So they do it alone.
• In our feelings—Someone notices someone else laughing or crying. Out of interest, empathy, and/or concern, they ask, “What happened?” or, “What’s so funny?”, in a kind, non-judgmental way. The person responds, “Nothing.” Really? Who does that? Cries or laughs about nothing?! What they really mean is, “I don’t want to tell you.” The person asking wants to develop relational bonding, but the other person obviously doesn’t. They don’t want to make room for relationships (or at least that one) in their life by sharing their feeling-space with others. So they laugh and cry and feel other ways alone.

Maybe this is you. You don’t want to make room because it’s “easier and safer” to not share your life-space. Then you don’t have to compromise or give up your way. That could be true. But don’t expect others to keep asking. They’ll give up sooner or later and you’ll find yourself “walking” alone through life. That may feel fine at first—until you need some company, and no one is there.

“Oh, that will never happen.”, you may reply. “I can make it on my own. Besides, I prefer doing my own thing, my own way, to having to cramp my style by dealing with other people’s demands.” That’s valid, to a point. Some people’s personalities do lend themselves to being more of a “lone wolf”.

But have you ever seen a lone wolf without a pack? They don’t survive, let alone thrive, for nearly as long as wolves in a pack do. According to IFL Science: “Diseased wolves living in packs live far longer than those that are solo, because they have the support of those around them, new research has found.” https://www.iflscience.com/why-it-not-so-good-be-lone-wolf-28349

Does this mean we should never be alone, forge a new path, or always conform to those around us without having a mind of our own? No. But, again, even lone wolves don’t stay alone for long, not if they wish to remain wholistically healthy:

“Wolves, males and females alike, may go through periods alone, but they’re not interested in lives of solitude. A lone wolf is a wolf that is searching, and what it seeks is another wolf. Everything in a wolf’s nature tells it to belong to something greater than itself: a pack.” https://www.livingwithwolves.org/about-wolves/social-wolf/#:~:text=Wolves%2C%20males%20and%20females%20alike,greater%20than%20itself%3A%20a%20pack. Like wolves, the Lord designed people for “packs” and “pairs”.

So, now that we’ve established that it’s worth making room for others in our “road” of life, how do we go about doing that?

1. Motivation—By focusing on the benefits that far outweigh the costs. Yes, making room can be limiting and inconvenient, but as we saw above, it’s worth it. For example:

“Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.” Eccles. 4:9-12. Benefit summary: Greater productivity; Resilience—support to help us bounce back from setbacks; Warmth and comfort; Protection.

2. Humility— Recognizing that our way may not always be right or best.

Pride refuses to consider others’ ideas or adapt to others’ ways, assuming that “Your way won’t work as well as mine does”, or “Since my way is always better, yours would be detrimental to my well-being.” In other words, “It’s my way or the highway”, usually resulting in a lonely “drive”. Guess what–  none of us is perfect. Even if we were, Jesus, Who was/is perfect, demonstrated the value of humility in Phil. 2:3-8:

“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.”. This passage goes on to describe how Jesus gave up all His rights in order to take care of others’ interests—going from His divine position in heaven to a humble position on earth, and all the way to the Cross. Talk about detrimental to His well-being!

3. Trust—In the Lord’s, plan, protection, purpose, and provision—There’s no way any of us are going to naturally put others’ interests first if we’re afraid we and our needs won’t be taken care of!

The famous philosopher Hillel expressed this mindset well when he said, “If I am not for myself, who will be?” In other words, “Everyone has to look out for ‘number one’ because we’re not going to be anyone else’s ‘number one’!” Cynical and sad for sure, yet if left to the world and human nature, he would be right.

Thankfully our heavenly Father makes sure we’re not left to that (as long as we’ve intentionally joined His family)! Being all-knowing, all-powerful, and all-loving, He sees what we need, can take care of all we need, and always wants to do so. This frees us up to enjoy community, including putting others’ interests above our own, knowing He’s got us covered.

“Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him, and he will act.” Ps. 37:4-5

“And those who know your name put their trust in you, for you, O Lord, have not forsaken those who seek you.” Ps. 9:10

So make room for others. There’s no need to walk alone and end up howling by ourselves in the wilderness!