Last July I published a post on how to be understood– https://willyounotbeawareofit.wordpress.com/2019/07/15/how-to-be-understood/
But what if we’re on the other end? What if we’re having a hard time understanding someone else? What if we’re frustrating them because we don’t “get it”?
Misunderstanding others’ intentions and meaning results in the same issues as others not understanding us does—anxiety, confusion, mistrust, and strained or broken relationships.
Think of a time when we thought someone was insulting, criticizing, disrespecting, deceiving, or accusing us. How did it make us feel? What did it do to that relationship?
If you’re like me, you wish you would’ve really understood them so you (and they) could have avoided that whole mess! Too bad we don’t have “translators” to help us properly interpret what someone means, even in our own language!
Or do we? How can we cut through our own emotional filters and distortions so we can understand what someone really means?
W.A.I.T.—Ask ourselves—“What Am I Thinking?” But why “I”? Why not “they”? After all, they’re the one(s) I need to understand!
Because it’s our mind that’s causing us to misinterpret them! So let’s go back and W.A.I.T. some more:
W illing to believe the best—in other words— give them the benefit of the doubt. In line with U.S. law, let them be “innocent until proven guilty”. Some people tend to assume the worst motive in others, and therefore assume the worst meaning in what they say.
We’ve all known people like this, and it’s frustrating to try to communicate with them. So let’s not be one of them! Even if that person has hurt us in the past doesn’t mean they’re out to get us now. And what if they weren’t out to get us before and we only thought they were?
“Love…believes all things…” (1 Cor. 13:4-7)— including the best in people.
A sk—for more information— Get as much as we need for total clarity on what the other person means. Ask clarification questions. “So/do you mean…?” Paraphrase what we think they mean and let them confirm or correct it. We may find out we were wrong, which would be a good thing, if we thought they were against us or insulting us!
Or maybe we need more facts to get the whole picture. In that case, we can ask them to tell us more about whatever we need to know to gain complete understanding.
“An intelligent heart acquires knowledge, and the ear of the wise seeks knowledge” Prov. 18:15
Others can help us be intelligent and wise if we let them!
I mprove—our listening skills—learn and practice things like: Active listening– versus zoning out, thinking about other stuff, and/or preparing your own “comeback” when others are talking; hearing people out without interrupting or “shutting off”, thinking you know what they mean or are going to say; responding with sincere interest; etc.
“It’s stupid and embarrassing to give an answer before you listen.” Prov. 18:13 CEV The Bible is so practical! 🙂
T ruth— Don’t believe everything we think or feel! Either the devil is lying to us, we’re stuck in old stinking-thinking patterns, or physical pain is skewing our thoughts and emotions (as in, “don’t talk to me before dinner when I’m tired and hungry!”).
Exercise discernment. Being aware that we may be misinterpreting what others are saying, opens us up to discovering and receiving the truth. Then we can find out from the Lord (and the other person) what that truth is.
“You will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” Jn. 8:32
In this case, we’ll be freed from believing internal lies about what others mean by their words and/or body language. Who knows—maybe that squinty, wincing expression has nothing to do with them being disgusted with you—they may just have bad gas! 🙂
Just think of all the understanding we can gain and relationship problems we can avoid by W.A.I.T.ing!
If you’d like help with any of this, feel free to contact me at:
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