Recently a new friend shared with me how she wondered if she was being too picky—both with who to hire for a position under her, and who to date as a possible husband. “My sister says my list of requirements is too long.”

How picayune should we be when deciding who to work with, much less live with? The answer lies in the degree of impact our choice has on our lives and the lives of those who matter most to us.

To put it in mathematical terms: Impact = Duration x Intensity. The longer and stronger our choice affects us, the greater the impact.

Then, the greater the impact, the stricter and longer our requirement-list needs to be.

Wouldn’t it be nice if all our decisions and choices could be that objectively determined? They can’t, because we have hearts and feelings, which are subjective.

But before we write off our hearts, gut-feelings, and intuition, or blame them for bad choices, let’s consider the good they do and help they bring.

First, they act as indicator lights and/or warning signals. In my friend’s case, she was trying to decide whether to go out with a guy she’s only met by phone so far through a matchmaker service. His outward “credentials” appear admirable…

“But I can’t make myself feel excited.” She went on to describe the checks in her heart.

To which I replied, “If you have to make yourself feel excited, that’s not excitement, that’s mental gymnastics.”

As she described what would make her excited to start a romantic relationship with a guy, the legitimacy of her heart-checks became clear. This guy wasn’t even “in the ballpark” when it came to reasonable ideals in terms of personality, compatibility, etc. Even if she shortened her list, which she said she could, he wouldn’t fit.

For any of us, it would feel like trying to squeeze size 8 feet into size 7 shoes just because they looked good, and then having to walk around in them. All day. For the rest of our life!

Second, they protect us from pressure (external or internal) to settle for less than the best.

But can we ever be “too picky”? And if so, when? As the saying goes, “beggars can’t be choosers”. True, but my friend is not a beggar. Neither are we. None of us are beggars or need to regard ourselves as such. We all have inherently great value and worth, and therefore have not only the right but the obligation to choose what’s right and best.

“…you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession…” 1 Pet. 2:9

Does this mean we can legitimately disregard wise counsel, biblical standards, and others’ needs? Or that we can demand our own way and preferences? No.

It means ask the Lord for wisdom, so our logic and feelings work properly. “If anyone lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.” (James 1:5)

So, we combine biblical standards with our own unique design and what matters to us to determine our non-negotiables. Then, as mentioned above, be as “picky” as needed for the impact. Clearly, “shopping for” a life-partner requires greater and firmer non-negotiables than shopping at a supermarket.

“…choose this day whom you will serve… But as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.” Josh. 24:15

“…seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.” Mat. 6:33

For whatever we’re choosing, we have objective standards, intuition, feelings, and our wise, loving, all-knowing, Lord to guide us. Be picky about choosing to serve Him first and the rest will follow well.