Have you ever had the nagging thought that you’re just not good enough?  If only you could be more ___________ (fill in the blank e.g. attractive, outgoing, intelligent, etc.) then you would feel okay about yourself.  The discouraging reality is that once you achieve that goal there is something else that creates a void in your life.  Perfectionism is often a wall we hide behind because we believe that if people really knew us they wouldn’t accept us.  Therefore, the essence of perfectionism is attempting to earn approval and acceptance from others.  As I am describing perfectionism I am not denigrating the importance of doing your best, rather I am describing perfectionism as the inordinate need to look perfect so others will accept us.

If I don’t believe in my self-worth I will attempt to look and act perfectly in all situations so that you will accept me and validate my self-worth.  A major fallacy with this thinking is that you cannot control the perceptions of other people.  This faulty thinking however, is reinforced because every now and then someone will reward your performance and you feel validated – this is called “performance based acceptance”  so you believe that your self-worth is based on your performance.  Robert McGee in his book Search for Significance describes this as satan’s lie:

My performance + the opinion of others = my self-worth

Where does self-worth originate?  Jesus makes an interesting statement in the Sermon on the Mount, “Look at the birds of the air, that they do not sow, nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not worth much more than they?”  (Matthew 6:26).  The context of this passage is not becoming anxious because God cares for you.  Jesus is telling the people that they are worth much more than the birds.  The word translated “worth” is translated “valuable” in other verses.  What is the reason why are you valuable?  Don’t start enumerating your accomplishments!  It’s because you’re created in the image of God.

When I start to comprehend God’s incredible love for me then I don’t need to rely upon external validation.  My heavenly Father loves me and it is enough.  If you need a fresh reminder of God’s love for you take a look at this video.  Not only does God love you but He cares about you.  May the prayer of the Apostle Paul be a reality in your life, “. . . to know the love of Christ which surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled up to all the fullness of God” (Ephesians 3:19).  I would love to hear your comments about the video.