Late last year I learned something about myself that I didn’t realize before—I really don’t like to need or accept help!

And here, all these years, I thought I was one of those “hopelessly/happily dependent females” – the kind that strong women despise, and men love to help and feel needed by!

Dependent sometimes, yes. Happy about it, no.  Because none of us likes to be “overly” dependent, let alone “helpless”.  We equate “helpless” with “useless”, and therefore “worthless”.  Not the most encouraging feeling for anyone.

But there I was, hobbling-at-best, laid-up-at-worst, pain-wracked from a sciatica attack I’d never had before and didn’t know how to deal with.  On the worst four days of it, I couldn’t put on my socks, shoes, or pants, or even get up without help.  Forget washing the dishes or cleaning!

Maybe some of you ladies are thinking—“Wow, I’d like to forget those!”  But, as much as we love our husbands volunteering to do those things, would we really like to be unable to do them ourselves?

I didn’t.  It felt so shameful needing and asking for help with so many things, especially the stuff we should be able to do!  Ask hubby or a muscle-buddy to carry furniture in to the house, no problem.  But to have to call out for help to get out of bed?  Not the way to build self-esteem!

What if we’re leaders—parents, department heads, serving in ministry, those elected to organizational leadership positions?  Worse yet, top leaders?  Or, maybe even worse than all of that—those in people-helping professions?  Is it ok to need, let alone ask for, help?  And is it ok to receive it when offered?

There, with my dear husband tenderly offering his arms, hands, and time to assist me in getting up and down, I discovered the answer—Accept it, with thanks.  Why?

1. It doesn’t diminish our worth to need help. It does diminish our pride, but that’s something we all need reduced at times. The Lord and others are glad when we acknowledge we’re not the be-all do-all of the universe.  Only He is. Needing help reminds us to “‘Be still and know that I am God’” (says the Lord) (Ps. 46:10)
2. Our limitations let others discover their strengths. How can someone else know they’re gifted at something if we’re always doing it? By asking for and accepting help, we give others the opportunity to step in and find out, “hey, I can do this!”  Then we can encourage them and even help them develop their skills and gifts.  In the end, everyone wins—them, us, and the group we’re all part of. (See Rom. 12:6-8; 1 Pet. 4:10-11)
3. It breaks down barriers. Strong, have-it-all-together, people appear unapproachable. Others often feel threatened by, inferior to, or jealous of them. Magnify that by a thousand if they’re leaders, and a million if they’re top leaders. But as soon as someone, especially a leader, becomes vulnerable and asks for help, they become approachable. Now they’re safe. Now they’re like us, with strengths and weaknesses, instead of superior specimens of humanity.  Now they’re someone others can help up close instead of envying from afar.
4. It shows us who cares. When we’re down, lacking, ill, etc., watch who steps in to offer help. Whether physical assistance, emotional encouragement, or spiritual wisdom, those who care, come. It may surprise us who does and who doesn’t.  But the ones who do, offer what they can and what we need.
5. It helps us bond with others and develop relationships. With the shame and barriers gone, deeper relationships ensue. Especially with those who truly care.  Superficiality can only exist where there’s no need for help.  But as soon as someone shares our pain and meets our needs, they become a true friend.
6. It makes us more grateful, if we let it. That involves an intentional choice. I had to choose to replace self-pity and fear with thinking of things to be thankful for.  But as soon as I decided to seek them, the Holy Spirit brought them to mind.  For ex., that the worst, laid-up, pain didn’t come during workdays.  Or, that I live with a kind and patient husband instead of alone!  And so on.
7. It gives us perspective on priorities. When we need and accept help, it’s no longer all about what we accomplish, or competing, or proving ourselves. It’s not even about our own pleasure. Our priorities shift to character-building, lesson-learning, developing relationships (as mentioned above), and thankfulness towards those who help.
8. It’s a means of receiving the Lord’s power and grace. In 2 Cor. 12:9, after Paul asked the Lord three times to remove his “thorn in the flesh”, the Lord replied: “’My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’”

Ultimately, when we ask for, accept, and receive help, we receive it from Him—either directly or through other people.

Don’t deny yourself the help you need. If Jesus didn’t hesitate to ask for and receive help from a disreputable woman in enemy territory (John 4:4-8), certainly we shouldn’t either!