Last week I noticed something when sitting outside in our yard with our dog Trooper—whoever barks get yelled at. Trooper had gone to the back fence to check things out over there. Along came Wally, the neighbors’ dog, to the other side of the fence, and started barking at him. That brought our neighbor out, yelling at him to stop barking, taking multiple attempts before both the message and motivation registered in Wally’s brain, and he ceased barking.

Trooper used to bark back at him, but generally doesn’t anymore, and didn’t this time. While Wally is a 10-month-old puppy, Trooper is 7 years old and has decided some things aren’t working barking or even barking back about.

I caught the contrast. Wally was getting yelled at and Trooper wasn’t. Wally got in trouble, while Trooper got praised by me for restraining himself.

This correlation between barking and being yelled at and other consequences doesn’t only exist for dogs. It does for people too. How?

It’s been said that “the squeaky wheel gets the grease”, which does happen. But those who “squeak” and “bark” too much, too loudly, also get removed since they’re so annoying! Groups, families, organizations, companies, can only stand so much complaining before they kick out the source of it. I remember being in a club as a child, where that happened to another kid. The leaders got tired of hearing them gripe about this and that and “excommunicated” them. Sad but valuable lesson for the rest of us, as well as hopefully the kid it happened to.

Contention destroys contentment. No one enjoys being around others arguing, yelling, and verbally sniping at each other. It hurts our hearts as well as our eardrums. Again, those involved either get told to change their behavior and their attitude or leave. Or else others leave because of the relational “toxic waste” being dumped into the group/team environment.

Plus, barking breeds more barking— people naturally keep yelling back at those who keep yelling at them. It takes self-control not to, but someone has to be the one to stop the barking cycle.

“A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” Prov. 15:1

Verbal barking also results in limitations and loss of freedom. When Trooper barks more than once outside, continuing on at someone or something, he gets called back into the house. If he’s barking from the upstairs window, he gets called downstairs. Likewise, we get “called back”– consequences occur, sometimes naturally, sometimes as direct disciplinary action from the Lord or His appointed leaders in our lives. This is why sensible people don’t yell at and curse out police officers, knowing if we do, we’ll get a ticket and/or hauled off to jail.

Those who “bark” at leaders or peers lose the respect of not only those leaders or peers but the respect of those who witness it. No one respects someone who lacks self-control, aka “emotional regulation.” Seen as a “loose cannon”, others don’t trust them anymore to behave appropriately in public. So, they’re kept out of the public eye—not chosen to represent the group/organization as speakers, not sent on trips, not given client-facing positions or assignments, etc. For example, a coaching client of mine in management had to switch a direct report of hers into a non-interactive role because that person was always yelling at and arguing with stakeholders and people from other teams on calls!

Even if someone gets to stay in public, they lose their influence. People stop listening to them and tune them out, so they won’t be bothered by their “barking”.

Then, there’s all the health problems caused by “barking”. Arguing, relational rifts, harshly expressed anger, etc., all take their toll on our bodies as well as our spirits, emotions, and mental wellbeing.

“Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits.” Prov. 18:21

It’s sad when parents have to tell their children they’re no longer allowed to go to restaurants, supermarkets, gatherings, etc., until they can behave themselves properly. Or get put into time-out in the corner or in their room for fighting and hollering. Or, as my husband told me happened in his family of eight siblings, sent to “go soak your head” to cool down! But it’s even sadder when those children don’t learn, and grow up untrained and still “barking”.

“A man without self-control is like a city broken into and left without walls.” Prov. 25:28

Beware—not of dog, but of barking like one. We may think we’re above that because we’ve controlled ourselves in certain situations, and around certain people. But what about other situations and other types of people? Just because we can be kind, gentle, and amiable around those who aren’t a threat to us, seem too ridiculous to argue back at, in a higher position to make us mind our manners, and/or so sweet we wouldn’t want to bark at them, doesn’t mean we won’t “bark” at or back at others.

Our dear Trooper, so maturely self-controlled with Wally, soon after I congratulated him, ran to our side fence and started into a barking exchange with Apollo, our next-door neighbor’s dog! Maybe it was a friendly conversation, but since it sounded like noise that could disturb people’s peace, I had to call out to him, “Trooper—no barking!” And he stopped, which was great, since that meant we both got to stay outside, in peace, enjoying the weather.

“Gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.” Gal. 5:23

“Whoever is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit than he who takes a city.” Prov. 16:23

We win when we don’t bark.