Yesterday, in the USA, we celebrated Martin Luther King Day, in honor of a man who put feet, hands, and mouth into fulfilling his dream. That dream lives on, long after he was tragically gunned down and silenced. Now many feet, hands, and mouths are moving to bring about true unity in our nation.

Such unity can only happen in a context of mutual trust and respect, where every type of person not only has a seat at the table, but also a voice that gets heard and heeded.

Sadly, however, our nation has become increasingly divisive and divided. People have confused “unity” with “uniformity”, thinking that in order to get along, we have to look, think, and act the same.

That’s impossible. But thankfully, unity in diversity is possible. It’s also necessary for our nation to survive, and necessary for any group to survive, since no individual is a carbon copy of another.

How is this possible? Especially since prejudice, unconscious and conscious biases, and long-term hurts still exist in every direction?

It is possible– if we make it our goal and act accordingly.

How?

1. Find common ground– Yes, it’s hard, especially with controversial, “hot-button” issues and the emotions attached to disagreement over them. But it’s possible.

For example, the whole abortion issue—that’s about as emotionally charged as it gets!  The pro-life side accusing the pro-choice side of heartless baby-killing.  The pro-choice side accusing the pro-life side of heartless disregard for the rights and needs of the mother.

And yet—let’s turn this inside-out. Just by looking at the accusations on each side, we can see something in common to both of them—If each feels the other is “heartless”, it means they both VALUE COMPASSION! They/we may never agree on how that’s defined in this instance, but they/we can at least establish that the common-ground of promoting “compassion” exists– Which means the other side, though “misguided”, still has good intentions—which means we can have dialogue with them.

Now apply this to other issues—there’s plenty of them—such as how to develop an economic policy that helps everyone—the point is, those with good intentions on both sides actually DO CARE about everyone.  And so on…

2. Replace fear with understanding– Everyone knows about the “fight or flight” instinct associated with real or perceived danger. Depending on our personality, we either engage in battle or engage in escape.

Either way, fear causes anger. We become angry at whatever or whoever is threatening to hurt us and causing us distress.

This applies to the current socio-political environment in our country. “Liberals” and “conservatives” are afraid of what the other one will do to “irreversibly ruin our nation” and “take away our rights and freedoms”. And the ones in the “middle” are afraid of both extremes.

I’ve heard people on both sides express these fears, with the same emotions of someone describing an impending nuclear attack that “must be stopped, or else!”

It also applies to various racial, ethnic, cultural, and religious communities. Lack of understanding has bred fear. Fear of the “unknown” and/or fear of what people have wrongly perceived or heard as “known”.

But what if, instead of assuming “those (fill-in-the-blank)” are dangerous enemies that we have to figuratively “kill or be killed”, we approach each other with open hearts and open ears?

What if we ask questions and find out what’s driving their concerns, beliefs, and behavior? What if, as in #1 above, this causes us to realize they aren’t really out to destroy all we hold dear?

What if we find out at least some of our labels and preconceptions about them are false? And that even though some positions really are “wrong” in our opinion, they’re not rooted in evil intent? Ok—there’s a few “bad guys” out there with bad motives, but that’s true within every group, including our own.

What if we really understand how and why the “other side” is as afraid of us as we are of them?!  What if we empathize with how and why the “other side” feels and believes as they do?

This brings us to—

3) Replace reviling with respect—Now that we’ve established that the “those people” aren’t (primarily) made up of jerks and monsters, we can treat them as people of value, goodwill, and intelligence, even though we disagree with their viewpoints.  For example—Ruth Bader Ginsburg and Anthony Scalia were friends—they respected each other—even though their worldviews, opinions, and resultant rulings on the Supreme Court often directly opposed each other.

Let’s follow their example. Respect begets respect—whether between workmates, classmates, family members, or members of opposing political persuasions.

If we start saying enough nice things to and about each other, it will disappoint the media, but make all of us feel and respond a lot better! Yes, with some people it takes more searching to find anything good, but it’s there.

It also helps to remember that no one’s perfect, including ourselves, or our favorite politicians!

4) Change our mentality from “us vs. them” to “all of us”—Pluralism brought people to our nation, still brings people here, and keeps people here. Sure, systemic and long-term issues exist within the plurality, but continuing to hate and mistrust those “others” will just perpetuate the mistakes and division.

On the other hands, if we see each other as part of the same national “family”, we’ll put the relationship above the issues and do what we can to work them out. Much like when brothers and sisters who fight sometimes stick up for each other when an outside bully comes along. Let’s see each other as the brothers and sisters, not the bully!

When we embrace the reality that we all belong to each other, to one nation, it keeps us in the same space for true dialogue. It also reminds us that our belonging together transcends any disagreement on how to achieve the best for everyone. It lets us keep loving those close to us the way we should, without letting race, religion, or politics divide us. (Eph. 4:2-3)

That’s what family is and does—has a bunch of quirks and disagreements but doesn’t let those tear them apart.

Let’s consider our nation a family and remain the UNITED States of America— “…indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.”