Matters matter, but our responses matter more and longer.

Yes, what happens to us matters. Getting hired vs. getting fired. Passing vs. failing an exam. Birth vs. death (of anyone or anything). Winning vs. losing. Starting a relationship vs. ending one. Acceptance vs. rejection at any point in our lives. Health gain vs. health loss. A fun vacation with family or friends or both vs. a long, boring and/or difficult week at work or school. And so on.

We sort these events into “positive” or “negative” according to what seems obviously logical on the surface. After all, who’s asking for failure, rejection, stressful situations, or loss?

Often, we don’t get to decide what happens to us. But thankfully we do get to decide and control our responses, which, when done right: Maximizes the good effects, while minimizing the bad ones; makes the good effects last longer and the bad ones stop sooner.

What helps us respond well?

First, realize that the event or circumstance is just the starting point, not the end. We control the direction and final result by sowing good “seeds” in our response.

“…For whatever a man sows he will also reap, because the one who sows to his flesh will reap corruption… but the one who sows to the Spirit will reap eternal life from the Spirit.” Gal. 6:7-8

Second, get perspective. That loss, rejection, failure, or stressful situation is real but not the whole picture. When we see the bigger picture in a broader, even eternal, perspective, our feelings and response will reflect that in a positive way. This is what helped Joseph get through his long ordeal and even forgive his brothers for causing it.

“As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good, to bring it about that many people should be kept alive, as they are today.” Gen. 50:20

Third, recognize and leverage the power of a positive response to negative situations. We get stronger. We develop better character and resilience. We learn valuable lessons for later.

“Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.” James 1:2-4

“…we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance,  and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.” Rom. 5:3-5

Fourth, set our minds on what matters most and longest. For example, if we lose a job, instead of going into depression and anxiety over that, focus on being thankful for having a family that loves us. That love and those relationships outweigh and outlast any career position we may have or not have.

“Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things.” Col. 3:2

“For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.” 1 Cor. 4:17-18

Fifth, remember that others are watching. This isn’t our primary reason for responding rightly, but we can model the way of a true leader that others would want to follow.

“Show yourself in all respects to be a model of good works, and in your teaching show integrity, dignity…” Titus 2:7

“In the same way, let your light shine before others that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.” Mat. 5:16

Here’s an illustration from my own life: Back in college, I got a summer job as a salad-bar stocker/salad maker at a local restaurant. Being much quicker with my brain than with my hands, I had a hard time keeping up. Finally, the manager called me in, and with tears in her eyes, told me they’d have to let me go because I was too slow.

Yes, I felt bad, disappointed in myself, ashamed, and worried what others would think that I lost a job. But, even as a young believer, I could see beyond that, to what the Lord helped me focus on:

• This manager needed comforting, and I gave it to her– “Don’t feel bad…”
• The manager told me everyone liked me as a person because I was friendly and submissive—that meant a lot!
• This was only temporary—I was going back to college in a month to prepare for a totally different kind of work.
• Though I’m not designed for quick-hands work, the Lord has made me good at other things, which benefits people in other ways.

In other words, He helped me see what matters more and longer, and respond accordingly.

Good responses bring improvement, positive change, and a better future. Bad responses bring the opposite. Our responses will always outrun and outlast whatever happened to begin with. That’s the matter that matters most, no matter what.