Rom. 15:2 tells us, “Let each of us please his neighbor for his good to build him up.”

But wait—aren’t we supposed to avoid people-pleasing and seek the Lord’s will and purpose instead?  What about “The fear of man brings a snare”—Prov. 29:25, and other verses that warn us against putting popularity over what the Lord wants us to do?

Granted.  Our relationship with the Lord and following His cues comes first.  But what if one of those cues is helping those around us and building them up? 

The “Great Commandment” does include both the vertical and horizontal aspects of love and relationship:  “Love the Lord with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength… [AND] love your neighbor as yourself.” Mat. 22:37-40

So, with that in mind, what does it mean to “please our neighbor” for their good and edification?

First, it means considering their interests as important, if not more so, than our own—as it says in Phil. 2:3-4—

“… in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.”

People-pleasers do it to get something out of those people later.  God-pleasers truly CARE about their “neighbor”—i.e., those they come in contact with.

Second, it means not holding so tightly to our own opinions and views that we’re not willing to see others’ perspectives, understand them, and even learn from them. 

The Jerusalem Council gives us an excellent example of this (see Acts 15).  It’s an account of how the early-Church leaders met, discussed, debated, and worked out what to require of Gentile believers to join in fellowship. (This was a major issue back then!) By seeking the Lord and listening to each other’s points, they were able to formulate policy that worked best for everyone.

Third, it means having a heart for true unity— not uniformity, and not “peace”-faking.  Uniformity says unity can only happen when everyone thinks and acts alike.  Peace-faking merely avoids confrontation for the sake of not “making waves”. 

True unity does what it takes to deal with whatever stands in the way of real relationship—

“…speaking the truth in love… to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ.”—Eph. 4:15 

Fourth and ultimately, it has the right motive and goal—  to build people up (Rom. 15:2), and to lead them to the right relationship with the Lord:

“So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.  Give no offense to Jews or to Greeks or to the church of God,  just as I try to please everyone in everything I do, not seeking my own advantage, but that of many, that they may be saved.” 1 Cor. 10:31-33

In the end, it’s all about our “why”.  If we have the right motive and goal, others will see that.  They’ll see our sincere concern for their well-being, both in this world and eternally.  They’ll trust us, even if they don’t always agree with our beliefs and viewpoints, because they know we have their best interests at heart.

Conversely, most people can sense a “strings-attached”, “in-it-for-me”, people-pleaser the second they start saying or doing something.  And, even those of us who are more gullible, will realize eventually what that kind of person is really after (or someone will tell us)! 

Let’s face it, though, none of us starts with pure motives and totally other-centered goals.  How can we get those then? 

Confess—own up to the impurities.  Then make it our top priority to allow the Lord to align our goals with His.

Finally, let’s go ahead and “please our neighbor” – those whose lives we touch—for the sake of God’s glory and their edification 🙂