With the 21^st anniversary of 9/11 just behind us, it’s easy to fall into an “us versus them” mentality. “Us” meaning anyone who looks, seems, talks, believes, and acts like we do, and “them” meaning anyone different who we consider a threat because of that.

In the case of 9/11/2001, it unified the USA, as all of us banded together against terrorism and the evil behind it. Sadly, twenty-one years later, that unity has disintegrated into ever-widening polarizations across various lines: political; racial; ethnic; religious; economic; etc.

It’s not that people haven’t had different backgrounds, political affiliations, beliefs, or opinions before. We just didn’t consider others “the enemy”, or “the opposition” over it as much. Only extremists did that.

Have unconscious biases always existed? Unfortunately, yes. But the degree of hostility attached has definitely worsened in our society. This has resulted in even worse rejection, hatred, fear, and discrimination—all based on false assumptions. “This person is/believes… therefore…”

We can fill in these blanks many ways, depending on who we or they are and/or believe. Simply attach the label that leads to the assumption and judge the person accordingly. All of this then creates our expectations of them, which we don’t think about until someone’s speech or behavior contradicts those expectations.

Some unconscious biases are more innocuous and less hostile or harmful than others. Nevertheless, even when there’s no harm or insult intended, it still hurts the person it’s directed toward. Whoever receives it, openly or covertly, can feel uncomfortable, disrespected, lacking, demeaned, even rejected, regardless of whether we mean to do that or not.

Here are a couple examples. Because this article is not meant to stir up more controversy or anger than is already out there, I’ve deliberately chosen to recount less obvious or glaringly offensive instances.

Case 1: In 2007, a young male adult team leader had an assignment for a newly arrived middle-aged woman faculty member at a university. Completing the assignment required a fair amount of computer tech skills. So he asked her 12 year old son to take care of that part for her. Unconscious bias leading to assumptions, leading to expectation(s)—he didn’t expect people over 40, especially women, to know anything about computers.

That woman is me, and I didn’t take offense because I understood where he was coming from. Although it would have been nice if he’d given me a chance first to demonstrate that older women can be tech savvy.

Case 2: While living overseas, nationals would see/hear that we’re American, and immediately assume we owned and carried guns and lived in a big house back home. Neither have ever been true. But we didn’t take offense. Just chalked it up to Hollywood-exported reputation.

Still, it did make us susceptible to “tourist prices” in one country. Until our older son, who happened to look and talk like a national, got old and tall enough to go into shops and hotels and bargain for us, obtaining the real local price. Then the rest of us in the family would enter and we’d all laugh—us and the local proprietors both—because we all knew what had just happened! Good old unconscious bias.

We all have them. How can we recognize and remove them?

1. Be willing to discover and acknowledge them. This takes humility and teachability. (I Jn. 1:9-10)
2. Pay attention to whenever we’re assuming something about someone based on externals—age, gender, ethnicity, culture, religion, appearance, personality, etc. (1 Sam. 16:7)
3. Similar to the above, pay attention to generalizing, based on someone or ones we’ve known from that particular group. “He/she said, did, (blank), therefore all (that group) does/will be…”
4. Examine our hearts—see if we or a loved one has ever been hurt by a representative of a particular type of person, and if so, what are we expecting from others like them?
5. Ask ourselves what we may have heard or been taught about particular groups of people.
6. When we encounter or find ourselves with those different from us, be mindful of how we’re feeling around them. If there’s any discomfort, fear, judgmental or condescending attitude, etc., it’s likely due to an unconscious bias.
7. Take note of the emotions we feel when we hear or see different people’s labels (nationality, political party, religion, generation, etc.). Are they strong emotions? Where are these emotions coming from?

Now that we’ve uncovered, recognized and acknowledged the biases we have, they’re no longer unconscious. We’re aware of them! That’s great! Why? Because now we can get rid of them—if we choose to.

Perhaps this sounds simplistic. Although simple as it may seem, that doesn’t mean it’s easy. The choosing we need to do takes intentionality, effort, and concentrated practice, to get to the point where we see a mindset shift and change of heart. This means giving people the opportunity to do and be different from what we expect, instead of boxing them in with our automatic assumptions.

For example:

• The librarian you’re assuming is too stern and unfriendly to greet because he/she looks just like the one that always chastised you when you were a child. Go up to him/her, smile, and ask how they’re doing. You may discover a warmhearted, cheerful, person there.
• The conservative/liberal you assume is too caustic to converse with. Strike up a friendly dialogue. You may find you actually agree about some issues and discover ways to cooperate to make your country better for everyone.
• The person of another faith you figure is too dangerous, hypocritical, proud, or strange to approach, let alone talk to. You may find yourselves caring about and valuing a lot of the same things, as you discover they’re safe, kind, and friendly.
• The small, thin, soft-spoken guy you don’t expect much sound or passion from. Give him a chance to sing in church and watch your jaw drop when the rafters rattle, and you know for sure no one snuck a recording of Pavarotti in there! (I’ve seen this happen whenever my husband sings somewhere for the first time).
• The sketchy-looking, Harley-riding, guy up the street with the motorcycle-mama wife and part pit-bull, part rottweiler, dog. Reach out and get to know them. You’ll find out he’s a kind, folksy, intelligent person who loves to talk, his wife’s just quiet, not tough, and their dog is a lover-boy who loves to lavish affection on those who let him. I know, because we reached out.
• Remind ourselves that we’re all made in the image of God– when we celebrate the beauty and variety of that in each other, we glorify Him. (Gen. 1:26-27).

And so on. Apply this to everyone who makes you realize you have an unconscious toward for reasons mentioned above. Give everyone a chance to be who they really are, instead of our distorted assumptions about them.

Then, keep applying that. Keep giving chances for people to surprise you until you cognitively, emotionally, and subconsciously remove that unconscious bias. Once or twice is not enough. You can still reason or feel that “he/she is an exception”, or “they just acted differently this one time to impress me.”

It takes time. It takes a lot of chances for the same person and many people who “fit” your bias. But it will disappear over time if you keep at it.

Best of all, you’ll find yourself with friends you never thought you’d have and a more positive outlook on life and people in general.