Have you ever found yourself in someone else’s shadow? Perhaps you’re following behind a great leader or celebrity—your dad, mom, older sibling, senior executive, anyone you’re close enough to for them to cast their shadow over you.

Advantages of this include: An automatic opportunity to do the same kind of thing; An easily accessible mentor to learn from and help us grow; Positive expectations bestowed on us without having to prove yourself first.

But then there’s the “flip side of the coin”: Pressure to do the same thing(s) they’ve done and fill their shoes, with no room for your vision; Not having your own identity outside of your connection to them (“So and so’s son/daughter/sister/brother/friend”); Pressure to live up to unreasonable expectations that don’t match how the Lord designed you.

While it’s great to associate with those we can glean wisdom and skill from, none of us want to be overshadowed by them. After all, what’s the use of “getting in the door” if no one sees us? Or developing abilities that we never get to use because we’re overlooked, still in the shadow of the one who’s known?

Somehow, we need to get out from living in their shadow– without destroying our relationship with those who’ve mentored, helped, and perhaps raised us as children.

Here’s how:

1. Take time to discover your own gifts and skills—then develop and use them. The Lord designed each of us for a purpose and has equipped us accordingly.

Yes, He keeps us humbly dependent on Him and His power by often asking us to move in our weakness instead of natural strength. (2 Cor. 12:9) But He also gives us supernatural giftings as well as natural talents and acquired skills to use by His grace and for His glory!

“Having gifts that differ according to the grace given to us, let us use them…” (Rom. 12:6)

“As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another, as good stewards of God’s varied grace…” (1 Pet. 4:10)

As we discover these, we can find His vision for us, vs. others around us, as He has uniquely designed and equipped us. To quote Eric Liddell in Chariots of Fire, “God made me fast!” Thus he sensed the Lord calling him to run public races for His glory.

2. Take time to discover your own vision—then share it. Easier said than done, but you can do it. It just takes willingness, focus, earnest seeking, trust, and time:

—Willingness—enough interest to decide it’s worth doing.

—Focus—single-minded attention to discerning what your vision is—not allowing the “noise” of other interests, other people’s visions, fears, etc. detract from honing in on it.

—Earnest seeking—it’s going to take effort to discover—we don’t find things by passively sitting on our sofas wishing, or a casual glance here and there. We have to go digging like someone who just found out there’s buried treasure somewhere nearby.

—Trust—that you’ll actually find it—otherwise you’ll give up when it seems too hard or long to discover.

—Time—Vision doesn’t come in an instant. We have to persevere, with patience, until we discover it in full scope and clarity. Keeping the value in mind, we know it’s worth the time invested.

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.” (Prov. 3:5-6)

“Seek the Lord and his strength; seek his presence continually!” (1 Chron. 16:11)

Once you discover your vision, share it with others, to gain the support and accountability needed to bring it to fruition. This can be scary, so–

3. Take time to develop courage and establish your boundaries—then have any needed hard conversations to manage others’ expectations.

If you’ve been living and walking in someone’s shadow for any length of time, you know how comfortable that gets for both you and the person casting the shadow.

For us, the shadow becomes so familiar, we’re afraid to step out into the unknown. The shadow also provides a sense of safety and protection. Stepping out of it also means putting ourselves out there— making ourselves visible carries the risk of being “shot at” with criticism, blame, etc., especially if we fail. Even if we don’t fail, we can (and often) encounter opposition.

Without courage, we’ll shrink back into the protective shadow, preferring the safety to potential growth and positive impact on others. But, with courage, we can share our vision and gain the validation and support to make it happen, by the Lord’s grace and for His glory.

As to the person casting the shadow— they may (and often) want to keep you in it. Being a benefactor and having followers makes people feel good about themselves and their own significance/impact on others. They may also feel threatened by you stepping out, afraid that others will notice, appreciate, and follow you instead of them! Or, worse yet, they’ll be forgotten, discarded, and maybe stuck in your shadow!

Such fear is often the reason why parents, leaders, and famous people don’t want to mentor or empower others. If you’re being kept in their shadow, realize this and take steps to mitigate it. They won’t admit their fears. They will say things like “Stick with me and we’ll both go far.”, or “I’m here to protect you from…”, or “Wait until you’re ready.”

Knowing this, it’s up to you to first assure them that you’ll always respect and regard them highly. Then, kindly but firmly explain that you can no longer remain in their shadow, and they need/must not cast it back over you. In other words, establish clear boundaries between their identity and yours.

“’Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you.’” (Deut. 31:6)

“For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.” (2 Tim. 1:7)

If you’re stuck in someone’s shadow, adjust your compass to find your own true-north! When you do, you’ll find yourself standing in the light of day and living into the Lord’s design and calling for you!