Become the kind of person that others decide isn’t as bad as they thought!

Doesn’t that sound negative? No, because it means we can improve people’s expectations of us by improving our character and demonstrating the change. Sad but true, people do hear negative things about us, so by the time they meet us, they’re looking for the worst.

But we can prove them wrong! Like the politician my husband heard in a debate recently. Afterwards, he commented, “I don’t agree with everything he said, but he seems like a good-hearted guy—not as bad as I thought!”

How can we overcome and reverse people’s prejudice against us?

• Don’t give up without a “fight”—not against them, against the preconceived ideas! Instead of thinking, “There’s nothing I can do to change this person’s mind that’s already made up against me”, decide there’s a chance. Yes, it’s uphill to get to ground-level, but we can climb.
• Treat them as though they’re coming to us with good expectations— not denying reality but coming in the opposite spirit— expecting the best from them.
• Give them our best— character qualities of integrity, kindness, gentleness, etc., as well as logical thinking and high performance (competence).
• Keep at it—one interaction alone may not change their mind about us, but consistently giving them our best each time we meet can turn things around. If it doesn’t, that’s on them, not us.

Everyone has biases, conscious or unconscious. A lot of that is based on the group, culture, ethnicity, worldview, etc., we belong to. Or, it may be individual, targeted against us because of what they’ve heard. Rather than confirming and going along with them, see each encounter as an opportunity to change their mind.

Good character and love wipe out those prejudices like an effective cleaning of a whiteboard, leaving no trace of any mark against us. Let the Holy Spirit be the one to both be that “eraser” and the new marker!

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.” Gal. 5:22-23

Rarely, if ever, will someone be angry with or reject us for loving them, once they realize that’s what we’re really doing. Instead, I have heard many stories of people who changed their minds about someone after receiving love and related “fruit” from them.

That’s why, “For this very reason, make every effort to supplement your faith with virtue, and virtue with knowledge, and knowledge with self-control, and self-control with steadfastness, and steadfastness with godliness, and godliness with brotherly affection, and brotherly affection with love.” 2 Pet. 1:5-7

I’ve also experienced it myself, both on the giving and receiving end. For example, in high school, a new friend, someone from the majority race and religion of our country, invited me over to her house for dinner. Skin-color-wise, I look like the majority, but in fact come from a minority ethnicity and religion. Unbeknownst to me, my friend had told her parents about my background, but they received me cordially and we all enjoyed getting to know each other.

I say “but” because my friend knew her parents had a bias against my ethnicity and religion, based on things they’d heard and been taught. But they decided to give me a chance anyway. Afterwards, my friend told me, “You’re the first […] they’ve ever met, and they really liked you! Now they think differently about […]!” I was so glad to hear that, and also glad I didn’t know about their prejudice beforehand, or I would’ve been too nervous to talk to them, which would’ve only confirmed their negative expectations!

Yet, as mentioned above, that’s something we all do. And until everyone admits it and removes unconscious and conscious biases, there will always be someone expecting worse of us than is right or fair.

We can be the ones to make them decide we and/or whoever we represent are better than they thought!