The last post gave us an overall description of “gentle”:

G racious

E mpathetic

N urturing

T ender

L oving

E ncouraging

In it, we looked at the G.E.N. Now we’re going to cover the T.L.E.:

Tender— Opposite of harsh. Notice— the “T” in TLC does NOT = the Terminator!  It stands for TENDER, loving, care– tenderness demonstrates love and care.  No one ever speaks of HLC — harsh, loving, care– because it’s a contradiction in terms! 

This isn’t weakness.  It takes emotional and spiritual strength to trust that tenderness works better, and to keep our emotions under control so we don’t speak or act harshly.  Any weak-willed, cowardly, person can lose their temper.  Does anyone respect the coach who gets kicked out of the game by the ref. for cussing them out loudly?

Tenderness leads to more receptivity. We all prefer a tender massage to a punch in the nose to get us to change!

“A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” Prov. 15:1

Loving— This word has a variety of meanings in English—all the way from strong affection, loyalty, romantic feelings, even stuff we really want or already have (“Oh, I LOVE your dress!”  “What about me?!” :)).  But the deepest love is the unconditional, “no-matter-what”, kind of choice we make when the feelings have fled.  Regardless of feelings or even the sacrifice we may have to make, this kind of love means choosing the highest good for another and doing what we can to make it happen. 

How this relates to gentleness:  We ask ourselves, BEFORE saying or doing something to someone—“Is reacting in anger loving them?”  “Will harsh words/actions communicate love here?”  “Are insults and criticism going to build them up?”  The obvious answers—NO, IT WON’T!

That which isn’t gentle is never loving.  That which is loving is always gentle –As in “gentle touch” vs. “slap in the face”!

The definition of love in 1 Cor. 13:4-7 includes:

“Love is patient and kind… not rude… does not insist on its own way… not irritable… bears all things…” 

These words all describe gentleness.  And when we demonstrate it through love, it makes it a whole lot easier for others to love us back! 🙂

Encouraging — putting courage into someone else.  It also means seeing and calling out the positive potential in them. 

So how does gentleness encourage others?  It shows them that we consider them WORTH treating well, worth the time and effort it takes to be gentle with them.  As noted above, gentleness demonstrates and requires a certain level of love.  Love implies considering someone worthy of it, if for no other reason because they’re made in God’s image.

Encouragement is often enthusiastic, even passionate— meant to inspire, motivate, and instill courage.

“Let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works… encouraging one another…”  Heb. 10:24-25

But we can’t really encourage someone harshly.  How encouraged would we feel if our boss/coach/parents/teacher yelled at us, “You idiot!  I thought you could do better!  Now get out there and prove it!”?  Yet some people actually try this method and wonder why it doesn’t work.

That’s why we have to approach people Jesus’ way:

 “’Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.’”  Mat. 11:28-29

Who doesn’t want to come to someone who’s gentle and humble?  If we want to draw people to us instead of chasing them away, gentleness will work every time.  At least if we want them to come gladly and willingly.

To help in these areas, ask yourself these questions:

1. Compare times you’ve treated people tenderly to when you’ve treated them harshly.  Which way felt better for both of you? Which way got a better response?   

2.  How does loving someone help you be gentler toward them?

3.  Think of some great encouragement you’ve either given or received.  How did that affect them/you?