Those who leave anyone who ever hurts them will find themselves left alone.

Do you see yourself in any of these scenarios?:

~As a child, you got mad at a friend, so you stopped being friends with them.

~As a teenager or adult, something a friend did bothered you or hurt you, so you decided to delete their contact information from your phone, block their calls, and “unfriend” them from your Facebook account.

~As an adult, at least one person in your church (maybe the pastor) offended you, so you left the church. Perhaps you took your spouse and family away too, even if they didn’t want to leave.

~You or someone you know doesn’t last at a job more than a year because a co-worker or boss inevitably ticks you/them off, so you/they quit.

Whether it’s us or someone else who leaves, all these cases have two things in common—an issue that was deemed higher priority than the relationship.

Whenever this happens, the underlying reason is someone got hurt by someone else, so they decided the relationship/friendship is no longer worth it. However it happens, it’s always sad, and usually unnecessary.

Sure, there are times when someone has to exit a toxic relationship (friendship, romantic, or workplace) for their own physical, emotional, and mental safety. In those cases the hurt is ongoing, deep, and sometimes worsening abuse.

But a lot more often, that’s not the case. More often, it’s someone being easily offended, having their ego bruised, upset because they didn’t get their way, etc.

If any of these apply to us, ask ourselves this question: Which is worse, a bit of (often unintended) hurt by a friend, or losing a friend? The same applies to a group or company we’re part of. We can either keep a grudge or keep a friend/job, but we can’t keep both. We have to choose. Which is more important, the hurt or the relationship?

Add to that the reality that we’re not perfect either. Would we want everyone we hurt (often not on purpose) to dump us because of that? That would certainly leave us friendless. Or, if we’re the leader, boss, or pastor, wouldn’t we want others to give us some grace?

Think about it—if everyone leaves a group or organization whenever the leader or someone in it offends them, no group or organization can exist. With all of us imperfect people in there, it won’t be long before everyone gets hurt by someone else! As it is, look at the number of church-splits, and group break-ups that happen because of this.

That’s why Jesus declared in His Beatitudes given on the Sermon on the Mount:

“’Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy.’” Mat. 5:7

We can’t have it both ways. The same standard we use for others has to apply to ourselves. Either “justice” reigns and forgiveness is conditional upon meeting that “justice” (apology, etc.), or mercy reigns and forgiveness is graciously given without condition.

“Bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.” Col. 3:13

“Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” Eph. 4:32

Finally, remember the One who didn’t and doesn’t cut us off when we hurt Him. We do this every time we do things our own way instead of trusting Him and following His way. We also hurt Him every time we have bad attitudes that lead to harmful actions, which hurt others and ourselves. Or when we fail to do the right thing and/or help someone in any situation. Since He’s perfect, He’d have every right to cut us off for not meeting His standard. Thankfully He hasn’t, because He values relationship with us above holding hurt against us. (Rom. 5:8, 10)

Can we not do the same with others? Let’s not leave ourselves alone.