Have you ever gotten really down or upset over someone that doesn’t care about you? Here’s a principle I’ve found that works: Care less about those who couldn’t care less!

This doesn’t mean we shouldn’t care about people’s needs or care for people. It just means we shouldn’t be heartbroken, discouraged, or depressed when certain people don’t seem to care about us.

We may not worry too much about big name celebrities noticing us. But what about those we wish would notice and care about what we know, do, or say? Such as relevant top leaders in our company or industry? Or certain “significant” members of our family? Or the one(s) everyone look(s) up to in our friend-group, organization, etc.? Or our acquaintances, friends, and connections on social media? Or even just getting enough “likes”, “loves”, and positive comments on our posts to make us feel like it was worth posting, or that we who post are worth something?

It makes it even worse when those folks get so much attention themselves and we don’t. Topic for another blog post—why we can never win when we play the comparison game!

Now the “gotcha”s happen. Now it affects our self-esteem, sense of worth and significance, and perhaps our sense of belonging. We do have a legitimate need to be noticed, cared about, cared for, and recognized for having something to offer.

But by who? Does it have to be by the “big names”, most popular, and those at the top? If our identity, significance, and worth depend on them caring, we’re in major trouble. Especially if we’re not “big splash”, “big fish” types of people ourselves.

The reality is, most of those “big”, “top”, people are self-centered. It’s human nature. The rare ones who aren’t still may not care because they don’t really know us and/or we’re not close enough to them for them to really care. We all have limited caring capacity, and the demands on well-known, influential people to care exceeds their supply.

But here’s the good news—there are others out there who have plenty of capacity and would be glad to fill some of that “space” with caring about and for us! Look for them. Your mom, grandma, and/or close friend are usually a good place to start. Hopefully some other family members are as well. Your mate hopefully qualifies as one of those who really care. Cultivate those relationships. Appreciate them— in turn they’ll appreciate that we care about them enough to notice them and what they have to offer!

The closer we get in heart and spirit, the more each of us will notice and care about the other. Of course this also means spending actual time with each other, as much as possible in person. That’s how bonding happens. That’s how what we do, say, and feel matters to them and what they do, say, and feel matters to us. It’s a matter of touch points—sharing stories, concerns, fun times, work, ups and downs together, as well as real (appropriate) touch, such as a well-timed hug.

Also, don’t rule anyone out. The Lord prepares carers in places and people we least expect to find them. Such as in the case of David and Jonathan, whose story exemplifies the deepest kind of caring friendship possible.

1 Sam. 18:3 tells us, “And Jonathan made a covenant with David because he loved him as himself.”

Later, Jonathan learns of Saul’s plot to kill David and saves his life:

“Jonathan made a covenant with the house of David, saying, “May the Lord call David’s enemies to account.” And Jonathan had David reaffirm his oath out of love for him, because he loved him as he loved himself. 1 Sam. 20:16-17

Then, when both Saul and Jonathan die in battle against the Philistines, David laments the loss of both of them, saying about Jonathan:

“I grieve for you, Jonathan my brother; you were very dear to me. Your love for me was  wonderful, more wonderful than that of women.” 2 Sam. 1:26

This deep, covenantal, friendship full of mutual care happened between people who anyone would expect to be enemies—the current king’s son and the man destined by God to replace his dad (the current king)! According to the script of human nature, Jonathan “should’ve” considered David his biggest threat to future power, fame, and prosperity, and David “should’ve” considered Jonathan his biggest obstacle to the same.

Instead, they became best friends! The Lord’s way of showing us we may not receive care or attention from those we’d expect to, but stay open to care from even those who “should” be our enemies.

Also, as implied above, and the saying goes, “To have a friend, we need to be a friend”. We can’t live self-centered, “look out for number-one”, lives and expect people to care for and about us and more than we do for them.

Finally, isolation doesn’t help anyone. Don’t give up and go it alone because think “Why should I bother trying?”, or, “People will always let me down”, or “it doesn’t matter anyway” (self-sufficiency). Those who don’t care and have no one who cares are the saddest and sickest in the world.

Fill up our emotional tanks with care that’s there—the same as we would if the line is too long at one gas/petrol station, so we go down the road to another one to fill up.

Care less about those that don’t care or couldn’t care less. Care more about those that care, starting with the Lord Himself. As Jesus stated:

“Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground outside your Father’s care And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.” Mat. 10:29-31

The One Who cares most also matters most, which gives us significance!