Have you ever been in a situation where your anger controlled you instead of you controlling your anger?

We assume this means an explosive expression of physical violence or verbal volcanic outburst. But what about angry withdrawal– fuming, muttering under one’s breath, even silently stalking off—all with the same attitude of “I’ve had it with his/her…!”?

Either way, anger has gained control, and we’ve lost it.  Either way, our intent has become to punish the object of our anger.  Either way, anger has succeeded in breaking the relationship for as long as it remains in control.

That’s why Psalm 4:4, quoted in Eph. 4:26, says:

“Don’t sin by letting anger control you.”

In other words—Don’t let anger become our “driver”, or we’ll find ourselves on a bumpy road, ending up at a terrible destination!  That destination could even be “fatal”—the end of a relationship, job, career, reputation, even a life!

Would you get into a car driven by a known terrorist?  Of course not!  Yet that’s exactly what we’re doing with our lives, relationships, and reputations when we let anger control, or “drive” our thoughts, attitudes, and actions.

How can we avoid this and either keep or take back control?

First—recognize the source:  Sinful anger springs up from three “wells” – hurt, fear, and frustration. We can’t help getting hurt, afraid, or frustrated, but we can decide how to deal with each of them.  Just knowing where the anger is coming from helps us to process it.  Otherwise, we’ll be compelled to react—by lashing out, “defending” ourselves, rejecting, snubbing, insulting, giving “tit for tat”, etc.

Second—close the door and keep it closed:

“Don’t let the sun go down on your anger, for anger gives a foothold to the devil.” Eph. 4:26b-27

This doesn’t mean deny our feelings as soon as you see dusk settling.  This means don’t hold onto our anger and let it “marinate” and build until it gets stronger and more potent!

In Bible times, the sun setting meant “time to go to bed and sleep”.  Therefore, don’t let the day end without dealing with the issue— hopefully resolving it with the other person(s)—but if they’re not willing, at least resolving in our own heart and mind to not hold a grudge.

Otherwise, the devil gets a foothold—into our emotions, thought-life, and the relationship.  Picture one of those annoying, persistent, door-to-door salespeople.  In the old days, they used to come carrying their product.  Now they’re more subtle—they know if a homeowner sees them schlepping a vacuum cleaner or bag full of brushes, they’re going to lock the door and disappear!  So they knock and offer to do or give something for you—so you’ll appear and open the door, even slightly.

The devil is like that—he “offers” to “help” by giving us fuel for anger and retribution! He makes it sound reasonable, productive, and beneficial.

But it’s false advertising!  Don’t open the door—not even a crack—or he’ll get a foothold!  Like a salesperson who sticks their foot in the door so we can’t shut it!

Now imagine that “salesperson” is actually a robber—once he gets a foothold, he’ll forcibly enter and take over the house!  The devil is that robber, who has come to “steal, kill, and destroy” (Jn. 10:10).  Who wants that to happen?

Third—harness your emotions:

We have a very strong, male, golden retriever.  He’s sweet, loving, and adorable.  But he’s also very determined to direct whoever’s walking him, to where HE wants to go!  Without a harness on, anyone can see that HE’S WALKING (OR RUNNING) THE PERSON instead of the other way around!  Who’s the master here?? 🙂

Unlike a sweet golden retriever, anger (even righteous anger, against injustice) turns ugly, with self-defeating results, when it takes control.

Thankfully, we have a way to harness our emotions before they turn into destructive anger—the Holy Spirit!  The more we give Him control of our thoughts and feelings, the more He harnesses and directs them to positive, peaceful, and productive paths.

“The mind governed by the flesh is death, but the mind governed by the Spirit is life and peace.”  Rom. 8:6

Let the Lord control the anger and drive you.  You’ll enjoy the ride a lot more!