Here it is men – a straightforward guide to the inner lives of women.

I must confess as I read that claim I thought of the apocryphal story of the man who found a magic lamp and was granted only one wish.  He wished for a road to be built from America to Europe so he could drive to Europe.  The Genie informed him that’s quite unreasonable.  It’s such a great distance and the water was extremely deep and that he should ask for something else.  So the man said, “I want to know how to understand my wife.”  The Genie responded. “Do you want that to be a two-lane or four-lane road to Europe?”   This book makes good on the claim that you can gain greater insight into how women think.

The authors, Shaunti and Jeff Feldhahn, have created this book as a companion guide to their earlier book, For Women Only.  For Men Only shares the results of hundreds of personal interviews, anecdotal information from women’s focus groups, and a national survey of four hundred women.  This book is written from a man’s perspective as the first sentence states.  “Like some guys I know, you might be tempted to skip this introduction and jump right to the sex chapter” (p. 1).  Men, I encourage you to read the entire book to have a loving and harmonious relationship with your spouse.

Here’s an overview of the chapter titles:

Chapter 1: Rethinking Random:  Why you need a new map of the female universe

Chapter 2:  The Deal is Never Closed:  Why her “I do” will always mean “Do you?”

Chapter 3: Windows…Open!  What you should know about the fabulous female brain

I found this word picture helpful, “. . . their thought lives are like busy computers with multiple windows open and running all at once, unwanted pop-ups intruding all the time, and little ability to close out or ignore any of that mental or emotional activity until a more convenient time.” (p. 42).  That was a helpful perspective and then I became somewhat concerned because I feel that way at times.

Chapter 4:  The Reason Hiding in Her “Unreasonable” Reaction:  How you can break the code of baffling female behavior

Many men default to this observation by Oscar Wilde, “Women are meant to be loved, not to be understood” (p. 65).

Chapter 5: Your Real Job is Closer to Home

“Money talks but emotional security sings” (p. 87)

Chapter 6.  Listening Is The Solution

This may be difficult for men to understand, but this is what the research demonstrates, “When she is sharing an emotional problem, her feelings and her desire to be heard are much more important than the problem itself.” (p. 109)

Chapter 7.  With Sex, Her ‘No’ Doesn’t Mean You:  How her desires are impacted by her unique wiring and why your ego shouldn’t be

Chapter 8.  The Girl in the Mirror:  What the little girl inside your woman is dying to hear from you

“Inside your smart, secure wife lives a little girl who deeply needs to know that you find her beautiful – and that you only have eyes for her.” (p. 153)

Chapter 9.  The Man She Had Hoped to Marry:  What the woman who loves you most, most wants you to know

The top thing that women wished their man knew was this: “You are my hero” (p. 179).

This is an excellent book for any man who is married or thinking about getting married.  The Apostle Paul sums up well the man’s responsibility,

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her,”  (Ephesians 5:25)

(I received this book for free from WaterBrook Multnomah Publishing Group for this review.)

Rick Higgins

Associate Pastor – Discipleship.  The Church at LifePark

Professor of Discipleship, Columbia International University

Follow me on twitter:  rickhiggins5